


Yullen week 2013: 14 Themes.

by ayaxroses



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Shounen ai, Yaoi, Yullen Week 2013, prompt, yullen love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:37:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayaxroses/pseuds/ayaxroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of 14 different prompts and themes for Yullen Week. Our main theme being "Until the end, I'll fight alongside you" Themes range from Angst/Romance to Fluff/Humor. Ratings will range from Teen-Mature as well. Kanda/Allen will be the main relationship focused on here and occasionally Lavi/Lenalee to add some moral support to the couple. I do hope you enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Halcyon

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my first year writing for Yullen week so wish me luck and I hope you all enjoy!  
> Couple: Kanda x Allen  
> Prompt/Theme #1: Halycon- “denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.”

Kanda sat across from the white haired boy, scrutinizing his every move, and all the same, studying the boy intently. The urge of wanting to see the boy crumble beneath the facade of a smile, and being a 'savior' of sorts to bring out a true smile, conflicted inside him on a daily basis.

"Oi, Moyashi," Kanda noted to the boy, holding an index finger to the side of his lip, indicating for the boy to notice a stain upon his own face. Allen's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

Kanda felt a migraine forming. "Che,", despite his rather annoyed expression and typical scowl, Kanda decided to help. Allen felt a warmth form inside, due to the older male's proximity. The older male leaned over, taking a light tablecloth in hand, and brushing it against the boy's lips. The moist yellow curry sauce, vanishing from Allen's porcelain skin.

Allen gasped a bit, feeling the rather gentle touch. Although as soon as it started, it was gone, he felt Kanda's long bangs brush against his cheeks as the older male leaned back. Allen's mouth opened slightly. The younger boy figured it was of no use, the blue haired male, brought his chopsticks to his lips, mouth full of soba. It's not like Kanda was rather talkative to begin with.

The white haired boy pouted slightly, the two had been on missions practically non-stop. Kanda had spent enough time at the Asian Branch, much too much, for Allen's liking. Yet, now it seemed like, they finally had this time, and they kept acting like strangers.

There were so many thoughts lying dormant in the air. If Allen missed Kanda. If Kanda missed the Moyashi. What took him so long on missions? Was Allen's arm healing up since his last exorcism in Germany? Were Lenalee and Lavi still together? And how the hell did that girl put up with the rabbit for so long?

Yet, they said nothing. Well, Allen knew he'd have to begin. If he wanted to start anything with Kanda, and now was as good a time as any.

The white haired boy looked to the side, seeing several of the exorcists gazing at the two. Perhaps Allen could call the look off on the mountain of food before him, eaten in less than 20 minutes. Although Allen knew what they were staring at. This was the last time he confided in Lavi ever! All it took was one day. One day! And it seemed like the whole Order knew.

Knew that he…That Allen had…that Kanda to him was…

Allen groaned a bit in frustration, he couldn't even bring the words to pass. Who knew how long they could be together like this.

Well it's not as though they could even consider themselves friends…Kanda hadn't taken him into interest enough to be a rival. They simply were here.

The white haired boy looked to the side, Lavi and Lenalee eating peacefully at the table across the dining hall. Lavi imitated a whistling motion, two fingers prodded in his mouth, giving a wink to the boy. Lenalee simply smiled, knowing.

Allen groaned for the second time.

At the sound Kanda's attention was drawn, his face lifted up. He stopped his earlier motions and places down the utensils at his side. His eyes were focused solely on the boy, and in a rather dark scowl. One would have to know him well enough to see the bit of light, in his eyes, beneath all that darkness.

Kanda scoffed, sitting up abruptly, and grabbing the white haired exorcist by the wrist. "Come. With. Me."

Allen had little time to protest before being dragged out of the room by the older man. He could've resisted sure, but right now, he was in too much shock. Kanda usually left him alone, and hardly ever wanted to be alone, with him. Did he hit his head or something?

Lenalee and Lavi looked back smiling at the twosome as the exited through the corridors of the black order.

The long haired man, dragged Allen through the halls, his grip, on the boy's hand, loosening. It became more familiar, his touch, more like a comrades then an enemies.

"Here, sit," Kanda instructed letting go of Allen's wrist. The younger boy looked up, mountains of books, aligning the room. Some books were shelved while others laid there carelessly. Kanda appeared to be looking through some of the books. Kanda's eyes opened up as he finally found what he was looking for.

Thin fingers trailed across the shelf as they pressed, and pulled out the item. Kanda sat down across from Allen, his expression rather indifferent.

"Oh, right the mission.." Allen laughed a bit, that must have been why the older exorcist even bothered to sit with him at lunch.

Kanda smirked, "Don't get so down now Moyashi, what happened to your dedication of being a savior?" Allen turned to the boy, mouth opened slightly, did he really want to fight with him now?

"It's nothing Ba-Ka-n-da" Allen sounded off Kanda's name, in a rather mocking sing-song tone. He felt his cheeks fluster. Kanda had lightly brushed his own fingers past Allen's hand moving the book toward him.

When Kanda brushed off the small bit of dust off the cover of the book, the younger boy took notice. Allen's mouth went ajar, and his eyes widened. "Kanda...", the boy said quite fondly. The words read 'The Language of Flowers'.

"So is this so-", Allen began, Kanda scowled a bit of a flush shining upon his cheeks. Although in the swordsman's defense, it could have been a trick of light.

"Stop, Moyashi before I change my mind…" Kanda sighed, fingers brushing lightly against the boy's hand, this time it lasted a bit longer. Allen felt heat rising all across his body. Kanda opened the book, to a certain page displaying- "The Lotus! Kanda so this means-"

The older male groaned a hand placed over the boy's lips, encouraging him to keep silent. "You kept ranting this morning, all across the order's halls I might add, about how you know little to nothing about me. Asking again and again questions like; why the Lotus blossom?" Kanda began, Allen's mouth finally free and opening to interrupt but Kanda stopped again, continuing. "Why is it the only time we talk is during missions? Why am I so cold to you? Why can't we be friends? Why do you never get time to know me? And god dammit, why of all things do you, Moyashi feel the need to know me more? To know more about me." Kanda took a long drawn out breath, finger pressed against the boy's lips.

"So I thought this could be a start," Kanda mumbled his words, barely audible had Allen not been listening so intently. "At the very least, as teammates on this mission, we could become…more familiar.. I mainly just want to keep you occupied for a bit, so I can stop hearing that irritating Moyashi voice of yours…" the blue haired exorcist scoffed again, finger placed off the boy's lips now allowing him to talk.

"Kanda…thank you," Allen replied rather politely his hand grasping onto the older male's hand. 'He'll probably be disgusted with me for this but…I..' The white haired boy leaned forward feeling his bangs fall in front of his face. "I really" and Allen grabbed the older man's hand with his own. Kanda didn't react, which for Allen, was a good sign, and let him do as he pleased.

"really wanted to know you better…things have been difficult since I arrived here, and I hate the feeling of being a stranger to you or anyone here. We're supposed to be like family," Allen smiled up at the older man.

Kanda did not retract his hand, in fact he held tighter onto the boy's hand. A light chuckle, very foreign to Allen and Kanda himself, escaped the blue haired man's lips. "Heh, Moyashi …Of course there's going to be conflict, and it's just as idealistic as ever of you to think we can become a perfect family during a time of war."

The words had meant to discourage Allen, yet the boy seemed rather lost in thought. "I mean you act like we're living in the Halcyon for kami's sake!"

"Halcyon?" Allen prodded, the word clearly getting his attention.

Kanda sighed, "Yes."

"Isn't that like a name of photographer or something?"

Kanda groaned, a hand that had previously been holding Allen's own, now resting on his forehead. "No!"

"Or well isn't Halcyon some part of a card game…? Isn't Halcyon a type of bird or?"

"Moyashi."

"Yes."

"Please stop." Kanda sighed, feeling the headache form again. He wasn't sure why he came out here in the first place, or why he bothered. Yet, that unsettling feeling, swelling against his chest, began to form. Why this began he couldn't fathom, but since it started, he had trouble fighting it down. To think an Akuma could be slayed in an instant yet a young teenage boy, naive as ever would cause him distress.

"I'm referring to a period in time, the Halcyon period. Essentially a time where things are calm and peaceful." Kanda explained breathing in deeply, rather discouraged with himself, not being able to stay as angry at Allen's rather moronic state of mind. "Baka" was all he managed to spat out.

Allen attempted a retort of "Bakanda!", but it hardly had an impact. Allen's words held no real sting and Kanda wasn't in the quite the mood to argue.

The white haired exorcist, took another shot, moving his seat closer to the older male. His hand grasped the male's hand firmly. His eyes were sharp and holding Kanda's gaze. Then in a breath, Allen's face relaxed to that typical smile. One that irritated and worried Kanda all the same. "Well..I'm almost glad it's not a peaceful time."

"What?" Kanda responded rather baffled, "Are you a masochist now?"

Allen shook his head, "I mean yeah there's been a lot of pain in my life…some unbearable but had I not been born with this arm-" Allen motioned the gloved hand, not holding Kanda's and continued, "I would have never…never met Mana..or Cross. My friends at the Black Order," Allen paused, the older male was sure to be disgusted, well assuming that did not share the same attraction, yet he had to let him know.

"Had I not been living in this time, had we not been cursed to fight akuma day in and day out. I'd never have met you Kanda," Allen replied a soft smile as his face leaned in closer to the older male, a warm smile. He leaned back in his seat, grip loosening and preparing to leave.

'Kanda probably has had enough of me by now' Allen inwardly reasoned, before feeling a hand grasp around his wrist, tightly. Allen was pulled back down towards Kanda's level.

The man had a rather sinister looking smirk, on his lips. before he pressed them swiftly against the younger boys. Allen felt his eyes widen to a near impossible level, he felt his heart pounding against his chest, but quickly gave in. His eyes closed tightly for the few seconds of the remaining kiss. He wanted to feel this part of Kanda, and truly know him as well. The thought of Kanda actually doing something like this was beyond any scenarios that came to mind. He expected harsh rejection after admitting he wanted to know him more…and had he known he was gay, Allen was sure Kanda wouldn't react kindly towards his attraction yet-

"You talk way too much, Moyashi." Kanda broke the boy out of his thoughts, the heat upon Allen's lips still burning. His eyes seemed to show a more honest light to them, and Allen was able to see something beyond a scowl.

It wasn't quite a smile, but Allen knew, he knew he was making progress. The two sat in silence for a moment, looking at their intertwined hands. "So...does this mean you also may want to know more about me?" he asked, perhaps already knowing yet wanting to hear Kanda's voice again. Their faces were still rather close, noses nearly touching and he felt Kanda's breath against his lips.

"You're even a bigger idiot that I thought you were, Moyashi." The swordsman noted to the boy. Planting his lips, against the boy's forehead before straightening himself up and getting up from his seat, as if preparing to leave.

"W-wait Kanda!" Allen cried out, rather flushed. "Where are you going now."

Kanda looked back at the boy, waiting quietly. "Come on," he said motioning with his hand for the boy to follow. A smirk on his face as he noticed the boy reddened expression before hurridlly catching up to him.

There was still quite a lot Allen did not know about Kanda. One being as exorcists how much time they truly had, but for now, Allen could feel at peace. Such a troubling time, the next day they could be rushed into a war, but at least this time he'd be at Kanda's side, without guilt for how he felt around him. This time he was not alone, and he could find peace at Kanda's side. The way it should be.


	2. Hiraeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fanfiction alternate theme: Hiraeth, I’m going out of order for the alternate themes (LIKE A BOSS) and starting with what I found to be the trickiest words to write for first :D Kanda and Allen are an established couple in this chapter, and are reflecting on their own past as well as future together. Anime spoilers and manga maybe? If you don’t know who Alma is otherwise it won’t be much a spoiler. I’m gonna go vague cause I’m behind on the manga :P But enjoy regardless~  
> …..  
> Hiraeth - » A homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home  
> which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for  
> the lost places of your past

 

xoxoxoxo

Kanda felt his eyes open slightly, as the sun broke through mercilessly, in his line of vision. He sat up slowly, but was stopped feeling two thin arms wrapped around his stomach. He looked down with a small smile, one reserved solely for times like these. Solely for Allen. The man who brought him peace, allowed him to meet someone so dear to him, and went out of his way to save him, yet again.

The years passing by, in the Black Order, made it harder, and harder to turn back. Allen was so damn easy to fool. Or perhaps he was fooling himself. Or they were both fools. It was easy to put up a front, being a cold hearted destroyer, and speaking only when necessary. He thought belittling Allen would keep him away.

Yet it didn’t work on Lenalee or the damn rabbit. The act didn’t work on Komui even or Tiedoll. So why was he convinced he could keep the boy at bay? Why was he determined to keep Allen at a distance? Kanda breathed out deeply, looking at the form lying next to him upon the bed. Why did he fail?

Allen always seemed to have a messiah-complex. Saving everyone and finding each life precious. Even those who had betrayed him in the past, he couldn’t let go of. He wouldn’t give up on Kanda. It drove him mad.

The white haired boy blinked slightly, Kanda sighing, as he saw the boy was still in a dream-like state. A hand reached out towards the hem of Kanda’s shirt, causing the other to pay attention. “Oi, Moyashi?”

“….” Allen yawned before turning over the lay on his side, his arms reached around Kanda’s waist and unconsciously held tighter to him. Allen’s entire form curled up to the side of the swordsman. Kanda scowled at the boy’s rather innocent act. Didn’t he fear him? The thought of being around another one who is so cursed? Or the thought of him betraying him? Taking advantage of his trust? Kanda, acted as a hypocrite to him, both sharing a similar fate, being cursed. Kanda was one who was bound to lose everything precious to him in a matter of time. To lose him…like he lost Alma…was rather unbearable.

The dark haired man brushed aside the younger male’s bangs. He leaned down, making sure the boy was sleeping soundly, and planted a light kiss upon his forehead. “Allen..” he whispered the boy’s true name. He had already lost to him. “It’s been 4 years..”

The time they’ve been together, a little over a year since Allen joined the order. Kanda felt his weakness take over, he couldn’t stop the words from coming. And he never talked that much. Yet, all the same it happened. He fell hard. As did Allen.

Here they were taking another mission, to scout out areas in London, rumored to be just flooded with Akuma. Many have found the stories to be fake, yet the Finders and good old Komui Lee, seemed convinced enough for them to go. Perhaps it was a fake mission, Kanda was almost sure, the two of them hadn’t been on a mission together in a while, and often had little time together, despite now sharing a room.

Allen seemed to be shivering, which broke Kanda out of his trance. Kanda leaned back down, touching the boy on his shoulder, awakening him. “Moyashi, stop. It’s just a dream..”

The white haired boy awoke with a jolt, a hand clenched and flung at the older man. His eyes were shown to have a rather piercing blue color, his body still shaking. Kanda caught the boy by his arm holding him against his chest. “K-kanda?” Allen spoke, eyes focusing… “I’m sorry I just-“

The dark haired exorcist held the boy tighter to him. “That same dream?”

He could feel Allen almost sniffle against him, trying to hide any form of weakness around him. Alma was quite the same way. He feared again of losing his place, losing his loved one, yet Allen didn’t seem to fear him. He didn’t let having a cursed fate bring him down for too long, no matter what he’d find the strength to rise up and keep trying.

“Yeah..” Allen’s eyes were watering, Kanda saw a few stains upon the front of his white shirt. He held the boy in his arms and moved on hand to rub circles against his back. The white haired boy clenched both of his fists into the man’s shirt. “S-sorry, I just…Mana...”

Kanda shushed the boy, leading them both back to lay against the mattress. They remained in the tight embrace. “You miss him.” Kanda stated, knowing all too well, how important the father figure was to Allen. The boy nodded silently. Ever since they came here, to England for their ‘mission’, Allen had been lost in thought. Now the nightmares were occurring more frequently.

“I keep seeing that same image. I mean the time I spent with him…up until I saw the Earl again. How stupid could I have been?”

“You were just a child…we all make mistakes, Moyashi.” Kanda attempted at comforting him, his voice much more gentle than usual. Something no one at the order, would dare hear and live to tell about. Allen was special.

The young boy shook his head, “Not like that…not making a deal with the devil..” Allen breathed out shaking against the older male, arms still wound across Kanda. “I was just so lonely…I felt that at the time, I finally had a home, a place where I was loved despite my curse for who I am…and as soon as I lost him…I ruined everything.”

Kanda took the hand across the boy’s back and wound it through the white locks of Allen’s hair. “You still were very young. We all make mistakes…some mistakes just have larger consequences. And yet-” Kanda noted looking down at the embedded scar across his shoulder. “Yet we learn and grow from those mistakes. I’m thankful to have met you, Allen Walker.” The older man said, eyes honest, concealing nothing but compassion towards the boy. Kanda lifted the boy up against him so they were at level. Their lips connected, and Allen’s widened eyes began to close.

It was rare to hear his name being spoken by Kanda, and like that. Their kiss was broken only for a break for air, and the two lovers stared into each other’s eyes. “Aishiteru..” Kanda whispered into the boy’s ear, before bringing him down. Allen pouted, his cheeks flushed as he listened to the older male’s heartbeat.

“Baka~” Allen sighed, too tired to truly fight back against the man. He settled comfortably against Kanda’s chest. “But…I’m glad that I met you too, right now. With all my friends at the Order…and you, I finally, finally feel I belong,” Allen’s eyes sparkled.

Kanda shook his head, taking a hand and cupping the boy’s chin before bringing him into a deep kiss. Their lips met and their mouths open to allow a deeper form of intimacy. Allen moaned into the older male’s mouth, as he felt his tongue exploring him, licking over his lips before submerging. The two continued until the need for air became quite apparent.

Kanda smirked at the boy, he saw how flustered his lover could look after a kiss.

“Come on,” Kanda said after getting up from the bed and extending his hand towards the now baffled exorcist. Allen had fallen, back against the mattress, after Kanda’s sudden movement, and looked at him quizzical.

The boy then turned to the smirking man and laughed. “W-where are we going,” And at last a rather natural smile began to take over his features.

“This is where you grew up right?” Kanda said, eyes shining though his facial expression trying to keep down any emotions he was displaying. “I think you’re overdo for a visit around your hometown. You must miss it,” the blue haired exorcist smirked a bit, hand grasping onto Allen as he pulled the boy up close to him.

Allen chuckled a bit, his free hand covering his mouth to keep from laughter escaping. If anyone had told him Kanda was even half as caring as he was today, he would have told them they were crazy. Yet, this all was a part of Kanda. A rather hidden part, one that would most likely change the next day the next battle, but still his Kanda.

“Right,” Allen grinned, an evil glint shining in his eyes. Before Kanda could tell what the boy was doing, Allen’s arms were already wrapping around Kanda’s neck, and his legs wrapped around his lover’s waist. He laughed seeing the older male nearly lose  balance in surprise. “I love you Kanda,” Allen confessed, his lips softly brushing against the older man’s ear.

“Hmm.. Baka Moyashi,” Kanda said his name as if in a curse but there was still that bit of light in his eyes, showing Kanda’s concern. “Well if we leave now we can probably get some time to visit the area, before any Akuma sightings are found.”

Allen released the man from his grip, but not after giving him a hard kiss against the mouth. His eyes shined, and he realized the grin he had plastered on his face must have been ridiculous. Surely, he’d have to return the favor to the older man one day.

As Kanda turned to get dressed, pulling on his exorcist’s uniform and strapping his Mugen to his side he noticed the younger boy’s stare. “What is it now?”

Allen smiled at him again, eyes beginning to threaten to tear again. His cheeks were pale and flushed as he spoke the words to Kanda he’d been meaning to tell him, all these years. “I’m already home.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	3. Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Main theme #2. Allen and Kanda as partners.

 

                    Fanfiction: Main Theme #2- December 21st- _Partners_

_When I looked at him that first day in the order, I thought he wouldn’t last longer than a few weeks. I had never known he’d be right by my side to this day._

_=/=_

Allen glanced up, seeing a scowling face, across from his seat. Today had a certain nostalgia to it. Yet, he was able to see past the exterior that was the cold hearted, closed, Yuu Kanda. He thanked some of it to Alma. Since Kanda was able to see him again, they were able to truly reconnect. So many things had happened along both of their lives, and though Allen wouldn’t have it another way, living without Kanda, he doubted the man felt the same way.

The pain of not knowing your past, and losing someone so dear. Someone who probably could read the samurai better, know how to talk to him without getting under his skin. Kanda’s past lover.. Allen bit on his thumb lightly, eyes scanning up, and down his love, until he noticed the man expression scrunch up. “What is it, damn Moyashi?,” Kanda cursed at him as usual.

“Ba-ka-n-da.” Allen called out, tongue sticking out playfully at the older man, eyes piercing towards the older man. “We are going to investigate the Akuma today right? And there’s even been sightings of Noah’s, Am I not allowed to think over this for a while? To be prepared?” Allen’s face met to form another fake grin, yet his eyes were still cold.

Kanda heaved a great sigh, the back of his hand, placed underneath his chin, supporting it as he turned his gaze to the outside. Allen turned away…he wasn’t sure of the man’s words, and the fear of looking into his eye, began to sink in. The look between them almost signed a sort of contract between them. Despite how they would act, or what they would say to each other, they would take the other’s words into account.

Whether it seemed like words of sound judgment or pure ignorance, Allen and Kanda could not just ignore the other’s words. It was ingrained into them, a true part of them.

“No you can’t” Kanda spat out at the boy, glaring right at him, holding the boy’s gaze.

“Wh-what?” Allen stammered out, he returned the glare back at the man. “So I’m not aloud to think anymore without your permission, Kanda?”

“Not like that…” Kanda spat out, a rather sharp tone starting in his voice, before it paled to a weaker. “Che”

“Like what?” Allen continued, leaning in closer to the older man.

Kanda rolled his eyes, “When you think so idiotically like that, I can’t help but be worried for the both us..”

“You don’t even know what I’m thinking!” Allen retorted feeling his cheeks heat up in a bit of anger. He was getting flustered, damn Yuu Kanda getting under his skin.

“You spend too much time in your head, it’s completely clouding your judgment,” Kanda spat out at him.

Allen put on his usual poker face of a grin, leaning in close to the older man and giving him a light peck on the lips. “Yuu-chan~ It looks like you do care about me,”

Kanda pushed the boy back against his seat, eyes in a bit of an unsettled mist. “Idiot.” He clenched his jaw.

* * *

“Dammit brat!” Kanda shouted out, running off deep into the woods of the hordes of akuma sighted. Only a level two for now, but still they were outnumbered, and Allen had run off on his own again.

It’s not as though the akuma couldn’t rise to higher levels, and in the amount of time Allen yet again was in his head… “Shit” Kanda said.

There Allen was caring again. Running again, saving yet again another life. He had this damned habit of casting off his own safety, in just a hope of saving someone that was too far gone. Kanda breathed sliding his middle and index finger, down the slick Katana blade. “Activate Innocence” the lotus samurai called, a blue light enveloping his sword, filling it with innocence.

Kanda swiftly moved across the forest, slicing brutally through any attacking akuma within range of him. He didn’t have time for this now. One after another they appeared as if they were multiplying, what the hell was that Earl planning?

After what seemed like an endless chase, he caught that familiar glimpse of white. There was Allen, chasing down the young child they had seen earlier. She stopped near the middle of the woods, and open patch where the light of the moon gleamed down upon. The sky exposed, a perfect chance for an ambush from the other enemy akuma.

“It’s not fair..” the young girl had said, “All I wanted to do was bring back my parents and now… I’m-“

Kanda lunged over towards Allen, shielding the younger boy’s form. “You fucking moron! You can still see it right? You knew she was an Akuma from the get go..and yet you...you still try and see the good, try to save someone so far gone…” Kanda grit his teeth, realizing now was not the time to argue and got up off of Allen. Seeing the image of the young girl morph into the form of an akuma, black stars trailed all across it’s large almost metallic looking silver form.

The boy seemed completely gone, Kanda knelt back down reaching out for the younger boy. As soon as Allen got to his feet, Kanda grabbed him roughly by the shoulder, forcing him to face him. There were tears running down the younger boys face. “Don’t you ever, do that again, you idiot. Don’t forget the things that are of importance to you. You can’t live so carelessly.”

Allen looked over to his partner, eyes blinking, bemused at the man’s words. He activated his own innocence preparing to work together with Kanda. He smirked at the man, “Like you’re one to talk”

* * *

“ah-hah…thanks..” Allen spoke, feeling his eyes drifting to a near sleep. Kanda looked over towards the boy he was currently supporting. He held an arm firmly around his waist and Allen’s arm hung around his shoulder, keeping him steady.

“I think you overdid it there,” Kanda told him, leading the boy up the staircase, he reached through his pocket, fishing around until he found that small metal key. Kanda pressed it into the lock, turning the knob with the key and finally hearing that click.

The older of the two led them into the room. Kanda sighed, gently letting Allen down against the mattress.  Allen laughed nearly falling onto his back instantly in exhaustion. Kanda sighed for what felt like the millionth time that evening. He unfastened his own boots and Allen’s before sitting aside the younger boy. “What the hell was going through your head?”

“My head?” Allen said, kicking off his boots one after another, before sliding up further upon their shared bed. “You’re not exactly one to talk, at least I’m honest about my intentions…You just act like such an idiot, pretending not to give a shit and then going on what seems like a suicide mission…cause you’re too stubborn to admit you actually do….care” Allen gulped feeling a hand right against hi neck.

Shivers went up and down the boy’s body, Kanda’s face was right before him. He found himself being pushed down, two hands roughly grabbing his shoulder blades. Kanda loomed over him, eyes rather intent. “Listen to me..Moyas-ah-Allen..” The boys blue eyes seemed to be shaking under his gaze.

Kanda leaned down, lips touching the boy’s shoulder blade, as his hands worked around undoing the buttons on Allen’s coat. The black coat slid lightly off the boy’s shoulder as Kanda repeated the gesture with his white undershirt. Only this time each button was slowly undone, the older man peered down at his love, watching his every expression, as he slowly felt himself be exposed. Kanda kissed the boy against his bare skin, all across his neck to his shoulder blade.

Allen tensed, feeling his back arching to the touch. “Don’t you…ever go off like that again..” Blue hair flurried across Allen’s bare chest, as Kanda rested his forehead against the younger’s shoulder.

“Kanda?”

“Promise me that!” Kanda spat out, taking a deep breath before hovering above the boy again. “That you won’t run off like that again, to fight akuma…noahs…fucking anything alone. What we fight, we fight together…when we think it’ll be of each other, and when we die, Moyashi, we’ll die together.” His words were form, Allen swallowed hard only to nod in return.

He leaned up arms reaching up, and around the man’s neck. Allen knew it didn’t take much for his love to seduce him this way, he was all Kanda’s. “I promise..” his voice was hoarse.

Kanda could see the boy’s eyes shaking. “I won’t let you leave you alone in this world Moyashi, you’ve already dragged me too far along. I’m involved. And-“ Kanda draped a hand across the boy’s flushed cheeks. He could feel Allen’s body tense and heat underneath him. “Just as you seek to be a savior to humans and akuma I like. I have things I hold dear.” Kanda leaned down closing the gap between himself and Allen, holding the boy’s legs around his waist, as they remained entangled in each other.

Kanda’s tongue entered into the cavern of Allen’s mouth, exploring territory he had claimed as his own. His hand still held to Allen’s face, fingers brushed away the cold dampness falling across Allen’s expression. ‘Don’t cry you idiot.’

Kanda mentally cursed himself realizing how fast and far away he had fallen. “Ka…nda” Allen’s weak voice answered.

“You…too..” Allen breathed out between sniffles. “You.just.mean too damn much to me, more than I ever wanted you too. More than anyone at the order I’ve wanted to see your face whether I was just a nuisance to you or something more, I needed you…so don’t you dare die before me.” The words spat out along with the tears and to Allen it was all a blurry mess. Kanda smirked a bit, before leaning down to lay over the boy. He embraced Allen tightly.

They stayed together for that moment, before he felt Allen shiver against him. And like that the two were almost catching a second wind, removing the remaining clothing among their bodies and becoming one, yet again. Bound together for as long as the fates allowed their life. Yet whatever was thrown at them they would be together…as partners.


	4. Philophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philophobia is the fear of falling in love. I’m doing alternate themes in a kind of random order for Yullen week as I get inspired for different themes at weird times. Allen and Lavi friendship so don’t get worried it’s clearly Yullen, Allen and Kanda are soul-mates we know this by now. :) It’s hard to believe we’re already on day four guys! And Christmas Yullen special on the 24-25th so stay tuned. Yes I’m writing on Christmas eve.

White hair, came in a flurry, as a young British boy raced across the hall. He began to knock upon another door, quite a distance from his own room. The knocking began to quicken. “Alright, alright..” a male voice spoke out as footsteps were heard approaching the door.

A red haired man, rather disheveled, lines under his eyelids looked outside the door. “Oh it’s you Moyashi-chan.” The male’s eyes lit up in a hurry as he smiled at his friend, slinging an arm around Allen’s shoulder, and pulling him into the room.

The white haired boy blinked, before speaking his friends name. “Lavi…”

“Come in, come in…” Lavi said, in such a carefree tone, as if Allen was going to have a choice. Lavi’s eyes trailed right and left over the halls of the order. “So what can I do ya for-ah you’re flushed...did you breathe at all before coming over here?” the red haired boy got worried, a hand tracing the young teenagers forehead.

Allen breathed heavily, eyes reddened, and panting as he held his hands to his knees. “Lavi I…”

“Hm what is it Moyashi-chan get in another fight with Kand-“ he began, preparing to tease at the boy’s obvious weakness, only hearing light sniffling. He poked him against the cheek, as Allen’s eyes remained down. Lost in an eternal abyss of thoughts…one Lavi hoped could end. The boy thought too much for his good, it was hard to really believe he was only a teenager at times, with all he took on upon himself.

“Allen-cha-“ Lavi stumbled over his words as he felt two slender arms enveloping around his waist. Allen breathed into the fabric of his friends shirt.

“I.want.you.to.kiss.me” Allen spoke, his words scrambled and rushed, and his cheeks were still flushed.

“W----what? What are you talking about aren’t you-“ Lavi started.

“Don’t say that. I just want you to kiss me…please, “Allen said, face leaning closer to Lavi feeling his breath upon the red head. The older male gave him a light smile, pressing his hand over the boy’s lips. Allen opened his eyes blinking in confusion. Lavi took a step aside, sighing slightly.

“Allen…take a seat...okay?” Lavi advised leaving the boy to sit on the mattress as Lavi pulled out a chair from his desk, draped with a mountain of paperwork. Lavi placed the pile unto his desk, lifting the chair across from his bed to look at Allen. He decided on sitting backwards on the chair, legs straddling the side, as he crossed his arms, crossing his arms over the head of the hair, as he rested his head against his arms. “Allen..” Lavi sighed.

The older male shifted his gaze upon the boy who seemed to find the floor to be of some interest. And listening seemed to be the last thing on Allen’s mind. “Why are you asking me that? I mean I feel it’s pretty clear who you really wan-“

“Stop it!” Allen shouted, feeling a bit embarrassed at his outburst, he had all but bolted out from his seat, looking across at Lavi. “S-sorry”, he turned his face away, eyes hiding a bit of shame. “For…everything.” Allen said, eyes moving towards the door, as he bowed before the red haired man.

Lavi caught him by the wrist, holding onto the boy. “Wait.  Wait. Wait Moyashi-chaaaan~ You can’t honestly think I’m gonna let you go without an explanation, What the hell happened? Why did you ask me that?” Lavi held tight onto the boy’s arm urging him to face him.

Allen averted his gaze biting hard on his tongue. “I just… thought that it’d be easier..”

“Easier?” Lavi pointed his statement back at the boy, his eyes quizzical. “Should I be taking that as an insult, Moyashi…” The red haired man took the edge of the boy’s cheeks on both sides, and flicked him in the center of the forehead.

“No…no that’s not what I meant..”, Allen explained, breathing out deeply, eyes closing. “I mean to say…I thought it would make my situation easier…I feel comfortable with you…and if I could kiss you, it may clarify things..”

“Clarify things,” Lavi asked baffled, a hand held to his forehead. “You’re not making any sense Mo-ya-shi-chaaan, This has to do with Yuu doesn’t it?”

Allen averted the older male’s gaze, it was confirmed.

“Explain”

“It’s nothing”

“Allen”

“Yes..”

“Just tell me already before I ask Kanda directly..”

“You wouldn’t”

Lavi grinned, “Try me”

Allen sighed, hoping to calm himself down, hearing Lavi’s request. He lowered his shoulder blades and sat back on the bed. This time Lavi sat right beside him. “I…kissed Kanda.”

“What?”

“Yeah I just…we we’re arguing about him being just such a jerk again, running off with Tieldoll to the Asia district without letting anyone know and…I, heat of the moment.”

“Allen,” Lavi’s eyes were rather amused. “ You’re worrying to much. I’m surprised this is your _first kiss._ The way Yuu looked at you, Allen the other day…I swore you to had done…much dirtier things before...”

Allen blushed, eyes ablaze in a mix of emotions, as he reached for one of the pillows next to him, throwing it directly into Lavi’s face. “Of course not! I mean I can’t imagine Kanda wanting to…not that I want him---ah dammit he hates me okay?” he screamed out his worry head fallen, as he slowly began to curl his body into a ball, legs up against his chest.

“So by making things easier…you meant?” Lavi shushed Allen, rubbing circles against his back as if he were a child.

“I just felt…maybe if I kissed another guy like I did with Kanda, I’d be able to just forget it…forget what I did, and feel as though he’s not the only one I possibly would ever want to-“ Allen groaned, preparing to throw another punch in Lavi’s direction by the gleam of pure bliss on the red-head’s face. “What?” Allen demanded.

Lavi chuckled, patting the boy against the shoulder, “I didn’t think I’d see the day…”

“What are you thinking?”

“That someone would fall-“

“Stop!”

“In love with Kanda Yuu, the way you did.” Lavi finished, a satisfied grin on his face, as Allen settled to punch him against the shoulder.

“I’m an idiot..” Allen noted, burying his face against his knees. “A hopeless idiot.” Lavi gave a sympathetic smile.

“Not all hope is gone, Moyashi-chan~”Lavi spoke in a cheerful tone again, grabbing the boy by the hand and leading him down the hall.”

* * *

Kanda eye’s opened again realizing the girl was not going to leave. Lenalee with her traditional twin-tails grown out, sat right next to the formerly meditating man. She had been prying at him all morning.

“You need to talk to him.” Lenalee explained, “You know that right?” And it was hardly a question ,but a statement based on true concern.

“Che,” Kanda scoffed again, his scowl not quite as fierce around the girl he could refer to as his sister. The girl had her moments but overall really seemed to respect his privacy, and she saw him as family so it only felt right to do the same.

“I’m not exactly the one who ran off now am I?” Kanda noted, having explain the little incident before. Arguing back and forth, as per usual, until Yuu Kanda had to be brilliant and say that. He just had to ask him, “Why did he concern himself with me?”

Lenalee smiled over at him, “I think you know the answer to that.”

“Hmph,” Kanda rolled his eyes, “Shouldn’t you be chasing after the boy yourself?”

Lenalee looked at him eyes opening and then fell into a fit of laughter. “Aha, haha, Kanda-kun..I-look I admit Allen is very attractive and he’s so precious to me. But I just haven’t thought of him as anything more than a friend, Not since-“

“The damn rabbit” Kanda interrupted, “What made you decide on him anyway?”

Lenalee blinked at the question, biting her lip before truly forming an appropriate response. “I didn’t exactly decide at any moment…It’s more something I felt.” She explained eyes off in a bit of gaze before turning to the sourly expressed man. “I don’t think you or Allen really have had a choice in your own feelings. About anything…”

“Ah..” Kanda sighed, “I guess there’s nothing I can do to stop you two then?” he spoke, letting his ‘sister’ go. Lavi was an idiot but he wasn’t a heartless one. He could trust Lavi with her, assuming he kept him on some sort of watch.

“Nope,” Lenalee grinned, “I think things will go well for you and Allen-kun as well, you just need to be more honest with each other.

Kanda growled, “Are you done now..?” he rolled his eyes, seeing his sister smile earnestly.

“Ah-ahhh…what-what the hell Lavi?” a young male’s shriek came into the training room. A form of white fluffy hair dashed through the room as Allen nearly tripped over himself, having a ‘push’ from Lavi.

“Moyashi,” Kanda spoke in a rather deadly tone. His Mugen sword was not exactly far from his reach either.

“I-just..”Allen couldn’t look at the older male now, his cheeks flushed, while Kanda appeared to remain as calm as ever.

Lenalee took a clue from Lavi, who was currently the next to face the wrath of Yuu Kanda. She pulled onto Lavi’s wrist tightly dragging him away and closing the door to the training room. Allen noticed a bit of a gleam in both of their eyes, seeming rather satisfied.

Allen however was now alone. With Kanda, he could hardly say he felt safe anymore.

He wanted to do the same act as before and leave out of the room.

“Don’t pull another stunt again, Moyashi?”

“Ah, Kanda look it just happened and umph-“ Allen started. In the blink of an eye he felt himself being backed up into the walls of the training room. Kanda roughly placed a hand under the boy’ chin forcing him to look at him. His eyes seemed rather…concerned if not for a moment.

“I’m not going to run away from this Allen, I expect you to do the same…” Kanda began eyes looking into the boy, his lips clashed against Allen’s. The white haired boy felt himself in a rather uncomfortable position. Kanda had, all of his body, pressed between himself and the wall. The worst part being Allen hadn’t even wanted to escape. That was the part that scared him the most. Kanda closed his eyes, seeming rather focused on his task.

Kanda broke for air, before tilting his head to capture the boy’s lips in a more vulnerable position. “Kan…umgh…ah..” Allen groaned into Kanda’s mouth, feeling the older man smirk against him. Kanda’s tongue pressed out of his mouth, caressing the boy’s lips as his hands locked over the boy’s wrist holding him in place, and close against Kanda’s own body.

Kanda tongue entered into Allen’s mouth, meeting Allen’s own, as they began to move together. The deepened kiss lasted for a few seconds before they both were choking on air. “So don’t you run off like like. Stupid Moyashi.” Kanda said preparing to leave the boy there, feeling the warmth against his lips.

“K-kanda Wait!” Allen stammered out, feeling the older male’s gaze on him made him terrified. He turned to wrapping his arms tightly around Kanda’s neck and reaching on his tiptoes to kiss Kanda straight on the mouth.

This time Allen’s eyes were closed and Kanda seemed to be remotely surprised at his actions. For now the words were terrifying to say.

Allen had kissed Kanda once again, the touch of their lips rather innocent, but Kanda could see the boy attempting to put his all into it.

 _I love you._ Allen would have said, copying the older man’s action, kissing him deeply.

 _I love you._ Kanda’s hand trailed across the back of Allen’s white shirt, feeling the skin underneath.

 _I love you_. Allen was nearly screaming as he felt a shiver down his body.

I love you…Allen wanted to moan out feeling their positions change back to their first kiss with Kanda pressing Allen to a flat surface of the wall. This time he moved to press his knee in between the gap of Allen’s legs, massing Allen’s hips with his hand, his other now laying on Allen’s cheek, feeling at last the boy wouldn’t try to escape from him. They continued their kiss

 _I love you._ They were both going crazy, Allen losing himself to Kanda’s touch.

 _I love you,_ but for now the thought of the words we’re more terrifying than life itself.


	5. Adamantine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adamantine  
> A/N: Today’s Yullen is brought to you by the Theme: Adamantine- And the definition “Strong as diamond, unbreakable, clear/and or pure” 22nd

* * *

To find Allen as anything but broken, was hard. As a child his past was rather muddled, loss after loss and learning from a Master who tended to take advantage of his apprentice’s generosity, all in the name of preparing him for the Black Order.

He always felt rather alone. Making friends seemed rather impossible.

It surprised him when he came to the order. “I don’t talk to those who are cursed”, Kanda was the first to exploit his weakness. Yet, in a way it made him happy, Kanda didn’t take pity on him for his circumstances, something which had become tiresome to accept.

Allen could just see Kanda’s scowl now, as he looked down at him, eyes just bleeding out disdain.

* * *

When Allen was just a boy he was very fragile. He was broken, because he had loved. He loved Mana as his father and only family.

“So when’s your Birthday Allen?” the older man asked. Young Allen gave the taller man in the dark top hat, a questioning glance.

“I..don’t know.” He answered honestly, he’d never known his parents long enough.

The man shook his head, and he knelt down to Allen. Allen stood up at the traveling man, one who had only taken him in recently. “Well you’ve got to have a Birthday.”

Allen shook his head, “No.no…I don’t, Mana..” Allen’s eyes began to shake as he turned away.

The older man put a hand, gently on top of the boys head. “That’s simple Allen, everyone has got to have a Birthday. It celebrates the gift of life we we’re given. And those who love you will celebrate with you, how grateful they are to have you in their life.”

“But what if you don’t have anyone who loves you..” Allen trailed off looking away, a small hand brushing under his now rather puffy and tear stained eye-lids.

Mana shook his head at the boy, taking off his hat for Allen this once and putting it on top of the boy’s head. “Mana..”Allen called out. The older man began holding the boy close to him. “You’re such a sweet boy…and even if you feel that the world is against you, just remember. I love you.”

“Mmhmm.. I love you too…Mana!” Allen cried out wrapping his small arms around the older man in a tight hug.

* * *

The words broke him apart. It wasn’t long after Mana had died and those precious Birthdays he had we’re often spent alone. His master would be there on occasion, wishing him a happy birthday before making the boy do another ridiculous task to help cover his debt.

Other nights Cross would seem to forget him all the while, going off with someone woman, as if it were any other day.

It wasn’t until Allen came to the order that he truly felt any form of love. He had a family again, many of those at the order seemed to be missing something as well. Lenalee and Miranda were like his older sister, Kamui the crazy siscon older brother, Lavi his best friend/older brother/wingman,  and Krory that really sensitive/kind cousin or something.

Well they all seemed to just work well together. A loss of a member of the order was a loss in his heart, yet the day they were born was always to be cherished and remembered.

The only person Allen thought he’d never see as family, let alone feel any sort of love towards was cold hearted Yuu Kanda.

* * *

Kanda too had been broken. Perhaps there was a time…in his ‘previous life’ where he had been happy. Yet he was a reincarnation of a man that seized to exist. Sure he had taken on his former’s life’s traits but he would not take on a lover.

He wouldn’t die until he found ‘that person, and what killed him was how little he knew about them. Even as a small child at the order, he felt as though he was always longing yearning for something.

He didn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone, and watched countless lives fade away. Making one question. why it was he started to care? Why he started to care for those in the order? It was as if Allen had brought them together.

“Thank you, Allen Walker”, Kanda walking down the corridors of the halls of the order began to think to himself. He scoffed, there he was again finding weakness saying his love’s name. The boy had gotten him involved, made him unable to leave, and escape.

Allen had the 14th inside of him. It was inevitable for them to get separated again, for Allen to leave like that to protect others and for Kanda to track him down to the end of the earth under the guise of needing to berate him for it.

“Kanda..” Allen murmured across the hall. The boy seemed so damn depressed again, he took every life into account.

Xoxoxoxo

Kanda stared back at the boy, both about the cross paths as if nothing has happened, then the older man grabbed him by the arm. “Allen…” he whispered, in a deep husky tone. He spoke the boy’s name as if speaking a promise, the younger boy looked up to him in understanding.

They were far too involved to go back now. Allen had brought Kanda too far out into the world to allow him to leave, and vis-versa.

Kanda had found that person, he found Alma, yet he still would not die. “Hmm..Kanda” Allen laughed a bit seeing the man lost in thought, staring into the boy.

Somehow adding two things that were so broken and fragile, would create such an impenetrable bond. They had grown through time and their losses to be strong.

There was no force in the world that would move them apart. Because this was meant to be. Kanda growled at the boy, “The hell are you looking at Moyashi” Kanda looked at him with a menacing aura, repeating their usual interactions. Breaking their moment. Allen shook his hands in front of himself defensively. “It’s nothing…I’m just glad your back, Yuu…” Allen spat out fast, feeling the intimacy of his first name across the halls of the order was sure to get him killed. So he smiled at the older man before hurrying along to Kamui’s office.

Kanda let out a deep sigh. The boy was so damn innocent at times, and pure.

He felt himself losing resolve as he would now look at the boy and realize how bound they were. How the bond between them had become unbreakable. And together they knew, they couldn’t wouldn’t die, they were each other’s hope in a time of agony.

“Moyashi..” Kanda let the words slip out, seeing the boy turn around slightly, he had made quite a distance since his little confession hadn’t he.

“Yes..?”

“I’ll see you later tonight,” Kanda spoke out there newly agreed upon meeting. The two had found themselves trapped again. They couldn’t break free, not that either desired to move away from each other’s grasp. Allen nodded. “Yeah..”

For heaven and hell couldn’t pull the two away from each other. Years of pain, and loss made them realize. There was finally, finally something that wouldn’t leave them. That wouldn’t break apart in the heartless movement at the hands of time. No matter what was to happen, they would be at each other’s side.

Something perhaps stronger than fate itself.

 

 


	6. Dream Walker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Dream Walker-  
> A/N: Todays chapter is going to be set in an alternate universe/Exorcist academy like setting. Genderbend characters. Allen and Kanda are both girls so this will be considered light yuri/shoujo-ai. I hope you enjoy. Also making it comedy cause I’ve written a ton of angst so far. Hoping you guys enjoy. Just watch I’ll probably turn this into a really shitty multichapter story one day cause I love yuri genderbends too much.

Kanda laid sleeping upon both her and her girlfriend’s bed. This had been the 5th night, and she was running out of ideas. Again the spot on the bed next to the long blue haired girl, was empty. Kanda turned over the covers of the bed. Yuu Kanda sat up quickly, pulling on a long white t-shirt over her otherwise exposed body.

“It’s just like the stupid Moyashi, to be gone right now…” the ice queen cursed to herself, letting out the trail of long dark threads of hair fall onto her back.

Soon enough Yuu had found her, Allena Walker, arms held out to her side, walking around the room as if it were perfectly normal. “Moyashi!” Yuu called out to her, walking across their living room, stopping the girl from running into the television set. Then she had to think about it, looking at the girl with the short white hair, eyes still asleep. “You’re gonna get yourself killed you idiot,” Yuu cursed, grabbing her lover by the cloth over her wrist and dragging her back into her room.

Yuu Kanda had known, the worst thing to do in a situation like this was to force the person to wake up. They could be easily embarrassed and scared, seeing themselves to blatantly exposed and out of control of their bodily motions. Yuu sighed, trying to carefully lead the girl back into the bedroom. Surely, Yuu could come up with something, she was top of her class at the academy growing up, and doing pretty well for herself before falling in love with the moyashi girl.

Yuu watched the flash of light walk into nearly everything on the way up the stairs, until finally Yuu felt the younger girl’s body go limp against her.

Yuu looked down upon her girlfriend, Allena’s eyes  were blinking slowly, before opening ever so slightly.  The older of the two, prepared to take a breath. Seeing as the young girl’s eyes flicker back to her state of sleep. Yuu held the girl tight against her chest, feeling the warmth as her girlfriend snuggled against it.

“Baka Moyashi,” she cursed once again. Sleep Walking…dream walking…nightmares…whatever the cause Yuu was going to get to the bottom of this!

Xoxoxoxo

The morning, only several hours after Allena’s little sleeping escape, Kanda found herself, thumbing over the files on the internet searching for the term dream walker. There had to be a logical reason for this, something that would Allow Yuu to help her girlfriend and actually manage to get some sleep.

She noticed a figure behind her, and turned around quickly. “What are you doing?” a very innocent feminine voice cried out to her. She noticed the girl, wearing light green shorts and a long pink tank top behind her with another smile of course. As if she wasn’t talking and walking in her sleep.

Kanda learned through their years of school together, at the Black Order academy just how bad Allena’s life had been. From the loss of her step-father, to working under a rather incorrigible master during her teen years, Kanda wondered how the girl faired so well. Thankfully she was admitted in full-scholarship, by Komui Lee, to the Black Order academy truly challenge Yuu’s life for the better. Allena leaned down elbows on the desk, and peering in at the screen Yuu had before her. The girl placed down a cup of coffee on the other side of the girl. Yuu looked at her with the glare of an ice queen. Though really she was more nervous, Allena had a way of jumping into things that didn’t belong to her and this was one of them.

Kanda looked back at her girlfriend attempting to soften her expression, “It’s for the academy…Baka.”

“Another research paper, is it another one from Crowley-sensei’s class? You know the last class I went to he wanted a five page paper. Talk about writing a book and hey- How come I didn’t know about this, I’m pretty sure I made sure to be in all your classes, wait unless it’s Miranda’s class in which case I-“ Allena stopped the girl, clearly annoyed grabbed Allena by the back of her neck and pressed her lips together.

“You talk way too much Moyashi” Yuu noted to her.

“Well at least, I express myself once in a while Ba-Ka-N-da Yuu!” Allena cried out to her girlfriend, playfully sticking out her tongue, before sealing her lips over Kanda, feeling the girl’s soft chest against her hand, something which Kanda had told her repeatedly not to do during the daytime!

Allena saw a menacing aura glowing around the ice queen, she took her chance to swiftly kiss the girl on her cheek and leave. “Well I’ll be going I guess..” Allena laughed waving two hands defensively before her, “I’m gonna go check on Timcampy then~” she excused herself, escaping near death as she could hear the blade of Yuu’s precious Mugen being unsheathed before her.

Not disturbing Yuu Kanda, and calling her by her full name, two strikes against Allena. Kanda sighed, seeing as the girl had finally relaxed, and when back to typing. She found a few definitions for dreamwalking and sleepwalking alike but none of them had a list of further causes and solutions to his problem.

Until finally Kanda stumbled upon the site on moogle.net. Dream Walking- otherwise known as Somnabulism …affects around 10% of the population. Cause people to do regular activities but unconsciously. Kanda’s eyes scrolled down the page seeing a few causes- PTSD…”Well sure with the life of an exorcist..” Anxiety and or Depression.. _‘Allena has been through a lot’_  Yuu pondered, then came the solutions – sleep therapy, meditation,  having a full eight hours of sleep. Etc..

“Sure, they’re fine…but I need to find a way to help her somehow..” Kanda thought, lately they had been through a lot, losing several classmates from the academy to an Akuma assault on campus.

_‘Maybe you should try opening up to her’ Lavi had once told her. ‘She’s been through a lot and having someone there by her side may help her in the long run’_

Yuu groaned tilting her head back and letting her long strands of hair cascade down the chair. She’d have to think of something _. ‘Stupid Rabbit how does he expect me to do that?’_

* * *

The next night began. Yuu couldn’t find just the right words to express herself. So things went on as usual, there really were some things Kanda found herself unable to comprehend with words alone. The two of them were hardly that good at words so they let their touches, kisses, bodies express how they were feeling inside.

The older girl couldn’t find herself able to fall asleep. Allena however seemed rather exhaustive, falling onto the matress, right on the spot. It was only a matter of time though before she would wake up, Yuu reasoned.

And when she did Yuu would continue to think over the words to talk to Allena. Help her with the inner demons she was battling.

It seemed to be two hours, Kanda stuck to reading a book on the history of the lotus, before seeing it happen. Allena had pulled over the covers and moved down the halls just like it were any other day.

Yuu Kanda trailed behind, watching her girlfriend this time perform tasks with ease. She had even made it to the kitchen pulling out multiple ingredients and making what seemed to be a feast fit for a king..or queen.

Kanda sighed to herself, was she really even asleep at this point. Yuu took a seat in the living room, just as she had last night, her cold cobalt eyes stared into Allena from across the room. Watching for her to mess up…but when she didn’t, and heard silence that was when she started to worry the move. Kanda bolted out from her seat and headed into the kitchen. Noticing the body of her girlfriend shaking. “Oi..” And Kanda thought again, wouldn’t it be better to save the moyashi the humiliation, to let her sleep at ease.

Sniffling came from the girls younger body, as trails of tears began to violently be heard across from Yuu. Her breathing had become heavy. Yuu was giving in the older girl held Allena towards her, feeling each and every teardrop fall upon her shoulder.

“Oi..Moyashi, Allena wake up.” Kanda held the girl by her shoulders shaking lightly. Kanda would deal with whatever Allen was going through together.

“Ma…na..” Kanda heard the girl breathe out the words, before fulling coming too. Allena blinked open her large light blue eyes, her mouth opened widely preparing to apologize. Yet the older girl held her close, Allena’s face being held against Yuu’s breasts. “Moyashi..”

“Yuu..I had a bad dream,”

The older girl nodded holding her tight into the embrace but letting her girlfriend go enough to speak. “I lost him again…then Cross..my friends at the order and you..I just..lost everyone I love.” Allen spoke through tear filled eyes.

Kanda massaged the girl’s back holding her tightly and finally situating the girl so she was sitting in her lap. Yuu kissed the top of Allena’s forehead, watching each tear drip down, painfully.

“Shh..you’re not going to lose me Allen.”

“You don’t know that. People are killed day in and day out during the academies training missions, any day now-“ Allena began before feeling two lips tightly press against her own.

“Baka Moyashi…I already told you I won’t die ,” Her eyes were sharp, tearing into Allena, making her listen to her words intently. “I promise you that…I’ll stay alive, you’ve gotten far too involved in my life. You made me care…and you can’t worry about losing everyone you love, it won’t happen.”

“Yuu..?” Allena’s tear stained eyes looked up at the older girl.

Allena stopped seeing her girlfriend break down a bit, averted her eyes from her girlfriend. “I won’t die before you Allena, I need you…and for your sake I won’t die..” Allena let Yuu hold onto her for a while, before the two of them both felt themselves exposed and in need of real sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Allena woke up, looking down her shirt from last night and seeing the few bite marks along her chest. She huffed, it wasn’t fair she was never able to dominate her girlfriend or leave her own mark of ownership…yet last night..  
  
“She did say she needed me..” the white haired exorcist reminded herself, getting up from the bed and yawning, arms stretched out wide.

“Yuu, Yuu-chan where are you”, the girl spoke hoping to elicit a reaction out of her lover. Yet, she wasn’t there, Allena searched all across the halls and she still was unable to find her.

Until finally, she realized there was one place left.

“Ba-Ka-N-Da, you could have left a note at least..if you’re going to leave to train,” Allena groaned, opening the door to the Japanese style, Dojo, seeing her girlfriend in all her beauty. Yuu had her hair tied up in a high pony-tail, sitting cross-legged in the center of the room, one eye opening seeing her love’s presence.  Yuu was wearing and dark blue and white Akido, her mugen at her side.

“Didn’t I tell you not to interrupt my training,” Kanda turned around giving up on the idea, as he noticed the evil grin upon the girl’s face. She wasn’t going to leave was she. Yuu sighed, motioning for the girl to come near. “I didn’t expect you to be so clingly.” Allena stuck her tongue out, walking over towards the girl.

The white haired girl, took the time to lean over, sitting right next to her girlfriend and rest her head upon Yuu’s shoulder. “Thank you..” the girl whispered, “I need you too.”

Yuu smirked, turning herself towards the girl, and flicking her in the forehead. “Good, then you better not die on me, baka!”


	7. Retrouvailles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retrouvailles » French; the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery  
> ……. A/N: This chapter is based on the reunion chapter you know like volume 23 chapter 211

* * *

Kanda stood among the crowds of people, looking as the horde of people, both young and old, seemed to be gathering around. He had traveled with Johnny Gill, in search of finding Allen Walker again. The boy had awoken as a Noah, the 14th. Kanda’s eyes went downcast, he felt it, that it was his fault for Allen becoming this way.

He couldn’t live without the boy or ever hope of living a peaceful life. He couldn’t even die in peace, as he had gotten involved. Kanda snapped out of his thoughts seeing Johnny upon his knees, looking much like a child as he gazed upon the crowd.

A street performer? A clown no less…were they still popular with Children? Kanda didn’t get quite the appeal, the gobs of makeup and face hiding beneath such an artificial mask. It just breathed of insanity. “I don’t know why but just looking at that clown is pissing me off,” Kanda cursed, running up to Johnny to observe the man in costume. The clown had that snow white hair, he knew who this was, yet after so long it didn’t seem…possible.

The clown was juggling large bowling ball pins, throwing hula hoops in the air, and making coins appear out of his hat, as if it were magic. The children before were clapping their hands, faces in pure bliss as they watched this natural performing. Johnny too was sitting in awe, face flushed, probably unaware of why he was acting like this too… Kanda was certainly better at hiding any hint of elation or joy upon seeing that person again.

For the longest time the person he had been looking for had been Alma, yet he couldn’t wonder if that hadn’t changed over the years.

Johnny had screamed “My money…wallet it’s all gone!” Which snapped Kanda immediately out of his thoughts a hand roughly grabbing under the collar of the shorter man, “What!!?”

“I must have lost it at the bar…without money we’re never going to find Allen!” the man shrieked, as Kanda felt a familiar set of eyes looming upon him.

They turned to the clown who had recently finished his performance. Kanda’s eyes turned into a much darker tone, as he pulled on the hilt of his Mugen. “I really want to kill him!” he had inwardly cursed. He kept feeling irritated the more he looked at the man’s face

He had a rather menacing aura around the clown, and prepared to unsheathe his sword. Yet the clown stopped, eyes focused on the ground beneath him. A noah! The 14th!

Kanda cursed, seeing the gruesome image of several large akumas shaped in the form of human faces, widening their mouth and trying to swallow the clown hole. The audience began to scream, and cower in the terror of the situation. Kanda activated his innocence, awakening his mugen and slicing at each individual demon before him. The damn brat cause enough trouble for him hadn’t he? When the outer shell had broken he saw the man beneath a familiar clown mask. “Are you Allen?” Kanda cried out, looking before the boy.

Allen had exposed his face, finally, holding a small girl in his arms. He had been trying to save her, despite her current circumstances. Johnny had cried out to Allen, wrapping him into a near hug, as Kanda stood back. Allen let the young girl go before looking over. Though his gaze had become firmly trapped upon Kanda.

Yet, Allen had prepared an escape, slipping out of Johnny’s grasp, but Kanda had caught on grabbing the boy roughly by the hood of his coat, and dragging him to the ground. “That’s why the clown was so irritating…” Kanda confirmed, asking for a piece of cloth or rag and rubbing off as much makeup as he could to look into the boy’s face. Kanda had straddled the younger boy to the ground, looking at his face, forcing that disguise off of him.

Kanda had approached him…”Moyashi” which earned another squabble between the two.

“What happened to Howard Link?” he asked, getting straight to the point. Allen’s eyes opened wide. As Kanda continued to talk about his murder. The moyashi didn’t respond for what was a few moments. He died…Allen’s eyes were wide as he felt a part of himself break, again hearing the death of a comrade.

Kanda explained the death in detail, how he had died after escaping from the cell he had been confined in after turning into the 14th. Allen had escaped, unable to hear Kanda’s cries out to him or Johnny’s.

* * *

After several more encounters among the city, facing Akuma. He saw Allen, down upon his knees in the corner of a dark underground tunnel. Kanda grabbed the boy by the front of his collar, pulling their faces up impossibly close.

Allen’s thoughts were lost upon Link, he had really lost him?

“Don’t touch me!” Allen shouted, causing the older man to step back.

Kanda gave a fierce glare looking upon the boy. “You don’t understand. I’m happy you are alive, But what about Alma? You finally had the chance to be free?”

Kanda looked bitter staring at the boy, did he really see himself as being that insignificant? Kanda grabbed the boy up to his face, feeling vulnerable. “I swore to myself I’d never tell anyone not even you…But I want you to know that my last moments with Alma are mine no one else’s, the fact I got to see him again is because of you,” Kanda admitted, he truly was grateful to see the boy. Though he hadn’t expected the moyashi to start tearing up on him. Kanda cursed at the boy, letting him go seeing such a dramatic display of emotions.

It wasn’t much longer until Allen collapsed from exhaustion, in that moment leaving Kanda and Johnny to take their turn and protecting/saving the boy.

* * *

As they returned on their Trip, back Kanda sat in front of the boy’s bed, watching him lay down in somewhat peace. “Shit..why did I think that way”

Kanda recalled the earlier event, seeing Allen’s tear stained face after thanking him…and all the same starting to see Alma.

He couldn’t face it to himself. He didn’t want to ,but they would run out of time. “Moyashi..” He voiced, unsure of whether his words would truly reach the boy. “I don’t want to live a life of freedom, not one in regret, or one without you…” Kanda continued, moving closer to the boy’s side, his face looming over the boy’s as he felt the boy’s breath on him.

“Hm so you are awake,” Kanda smirked at the boy, “Damn Moyashi..”

Allen grinned a bit still keeping his eyes closed. “I love you too, Kanda.” He spoke with such confidence an arm wrapped around his neck bringing Kanda closer. “You were saying…”

The blue haired warrior put on a rather sour expression, “You should let go of me now, while you’re ahead Moyashi” Kanda warned.

Allen turned his eyes toward him, “I think I’m really ready for what you’re about to do to me.”

“Hn..cocky brat.”

“Like you’re one to talk Ba-Kan-da-umph…!!” Allen felt the breathe stolen from him as Kanda roughly smashed their lips tightly together without warning. Allen closed his trying his best to pull the older man on top of him. Kanda’s tongue entered into Allen’s mouth eagerly as the younger boy was content to feel the man dominate for now.

He had missed him, far too long to really deny. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this..where is Johnny anyway?” Allen laughed.

Kanda rolled his eyes, “Like I’m gonna leave him alone with you, he’s infatuated with you, who knows what would happen in just a few minutes of you two in the same room”

Allen arched his eyebrow, fully adjusting Kanda on top of him, spreading his legs, for Kanda to lay between and pealing the large outer coat off of the man. They kissed, again, and again, going back and forth for breathing. Kanda licked the bottom of Allen’s lips, smirking at him. Allen chuckled.

“What?”

“You’re the one I’m more worried about…being alone with and all..”

Kanda leaned down sucking at the boy’s neck as his hands trailed southwards toward the boy.  The two worked on removing each other’s clothes, Allen’s gone almost instantly by Kanda. Allen felt rather exposed and pulled upon Kanda’s black work pants, white shirt, and underwear. He looked down at Kanda’s length gulping in return as his cheeks flushed incredibly.

“Hmm..Moyashi…your pretty flustered…It wouldn’t be surprising for someone like you to want to stop now,” Kanda taunted leaning his lips over to the boy’s ear, “But if we go any further, I’m not sure how much I can hold myself back” Kanda breathed the words in huskily into the boy’s ear.

Allen blushed beat red. “K-k-kanda! You, idiot!!” he turned his head away only to feel Kanda’s lips graze and sucking upon his neck..

“Just tell me to stop..”

“No…it’s just I-“

Kanda rolled his eyes, “What are you trying to say” he fought back against his rather hormonal instincts, to just ravish the boy right there and let logic be his guide, yet he started to see that same downcast expression. He wasn’t going to take advantage of Allen, or anyone it was useless if the boy wasn’t feeling the same.

Allen turned his face away to Kanda’s amusement. “I…want..to, with you, but I-“

Kanda purred against the boy, kissing him below the nape of the boy’s neck and across his chest.

“I-“

Kanda lips met the boy’s nipple, kissing him right over the boy’s heart, preparing to claim his prey. He heard the boy’s rapid heartbeat, and upon not hearing the boy’s voice he looked up. A hand held the side of the boy’s face. “What is it that you want Moyashi?”

“I want you to say it…”

“?” Kanda’s eyes widened, “Explain..”

The older man was being hard to deal with, Allen reasoned. Yet, he couldn’t exactly let this go, he needed to hear it from the man’s lips. “Well I said I loved you too, and though I think you…well..maybe…I just want to hear you say…um..” Allen was flushed beyond relief, Kanda felt the own boy’s length becoming aroused against his leg. Kanda gave a rather evil grin, elated the boy could feel the same way.

Yet he gave in, putting two and two together. “Aishiteru, Allen Walker..” Kanda spoke into the boy’s ear, licking the back of the lobe causing shivers to go down through the boy’s body. He leaned down, moving his fingers over Allen’s length, seeing the boy look down at him.

Kanda sighed, “Is that what you wanted?”

Allen nodded, “Y-yeah.. it is…”

Kanda began to lick and suck upon Allen’s hardened sex, feeling the boy writhe and squirm at his motion. “Kan-da-“ Allen attempted, “I’m really…really glad to have seen you again. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.” Kanda continued to suck on the boy, driving Allen to a point of insanity as his hands clenched at the sheets. “I…just am…kinda happy no really really happy you’re back. And the fact that you feel the same way is---au;---ahhh!” Allen started to breathe heavily as Kanda blew the boy, swallowing him whole. It was only moments before, Allen came, screaming Kanda’s name, along with another “I love you,”

Kanda moved up to kiss the boy, letting him taste himself, as he used the hand that had encircled Allen’s length, and prepared the boy for what was to come.

Allen groaned feeling one then two fingers moving inside of him, the pain searing inside, until the special spot inside Allen was found. Kanda took both of the boy’s legs wrapping them around himself, as the panting boy tried to shield his flustered expression with the back of his hand.

“I want to see your face, Moyashi..” Kanda leaned up towards the boy connecting their lips again. He leaned into the boy’s ear, “I’m not gonna repeat myself, so listen closely..” Allen shivered under the man’s touch as he felt the man’s length slowly and carefully maneuver into him.

Allen groaned, as it hurt like hell, but he never expected Kanda of all people to be this careful with him. Kanda continued thrusting into the boy, until he could find that sweet spot, “I missed you…for the longest time, and when I saw you again, I finally felt..I was truly happy, and now I feel I can learn you all over again. Your body.” Kanda kissed the boy against his chest, letting the boy get used to his length inside

“Your heart” Kanda kissed him again, then met to his lips… “Everything that is you Allen walker, I’m able to almost rediscover you.” Kanda smiled, it wasn’t a large, obscenely obvious smile to begin with. But Allen knew it was just for him, and couldn’t help but feel that same joy. As they were finally together again…and this time without their masks on and walls up. They were able to experience each other, truly see each other’s hearts after so long.

The feeling was overwhelming. Allen had thought feeling Kanda adjust his body as they both fell into a climax calling out each other’s name. It was all consuming, and needy, yet that was just who they were right now. The feeling of coming back, finding each other again after so long, was pure bliss.


	8. Xerophthalmia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xerophatamalia- Disease where one in unable to cry

The problem was clear, that was to be sure. There was nothing Allen could do, something he feared the most. Could he of all people find a cure? Sure Kanda had accepted him into his life, yet there was still that problem.

He had seen Kanda angry and upset most of all. Even being happy he seemed to recall. Though the happiness may have faded after a short amount of time. A trick of the light, Allen may have seen, yet for some reason he could feel it. He saw Kanda smile, he even called him by his real name, though mostly in private and times of intimacy.

“Love you..” Allen murmured against his love’s shoulder, hearing Kanda groan a bit in response before turning to face him. His eyes blinked open slowly, as the older man looked up towards the younger boy.

“God you’re always up this early..” Kanda complained, though he held the boy close to him, prompt him to fall back asleep. Allen laughed, a hand held over his mouth to contain what he could of his laughter.

“Kanda…I mean it is Christmas Eve.” Allen replied, sighing slightly as he nuzzled against his boyfriend’s chest. “Plus it’s only 6am … not that early”

Kanda rolled his eyes, bringing the boy against him, their hips clashed together earning a moan from the boy. Allen’s eyes went wide and his mouth agape. He face turned to a dark shade of red as he saw the menacing glance on his boyfriend, like that of a very possessive predator. “Don’t tell me it’s too early for this,”

Allen grinned, kissing his boyfriend innocent on the cheek. “No, of course not”

Though was able to see an array of emotions from the older man he still had the fear. Was the older man unable to form tears. Though all the missions, life and death. Even seeing Kanda reunite with his past love…he never seemed to express his pain, through anything but a grimace, or other pained expression. So Allen wondered after all they had been through, the emotions they had shared. He couldn’t figure out the reason why. With elation, pain, and anger clear in his mind, Allen wondered had he ever seen Kanda truly cry?

* * *

The two hurriedly got dressed after another session of last-minute-morning love-making. Allen yawned, feeling quite tired and sore from their time spent together. Yet he pulled on his outer coat, uniform and lastly gloves.

Kanda finished before him, Mugen strapped to his side, as he headed out the door. The two prepared for the mission, Allen paced to meet at Kanda’s side. He watched the others passing by in the hall, Lenalee and Lavi, enjoying their holiday. Having the gift of peace for today.

The two reported to Kamui’s office, sure of the mission. Another Akuma sighting, the levels not seen as much of a threat, or one that would take up more than a day or two of a trip. Allen was hoping on the former, he’d like to spend his Birthday by the lotus warrior’s side, without the fear of death and pain and exorcising lost souls. Though it wasn’t always possible he knew.

Kamui smiled at the two, “Well hello, lovebirds..” he teased with a grin, wanting to get a reaction out of Kanda. “It seems you two took your time getting to my office this morning.

“Sister complex.” Kanda spat out at him, as Kamui pretended to be offended by such an accusation. “There’s nothing wrong with loving your family.” He coughed clearing his throat, before opening up the virtual map, they were exploring a town just outside of paris.

A supposed haunted house was to be just swarming with Akuma. And of course it was there job to check it out, save and destroy the souls left inside.

Xoxoxoxoxo

The two exorcists explored the halls and rooms all across the supposed haunted mansion. Until they finally caught sight of innocence, a young child, crying in a corner. Allen groaned hearing her pleas to have her older brother back by her side.

“Snap out of it Moyashi,” Kanda called to the boy, “Don’t lose focus, she’s an Akuma..”

The words seemed cold, as they found themselves nearly ambushed. The second the girl transformed into an obscene create with black stars all along her head, more akuma allies came in a swarm to attack the two.

Kanda started up his innocence, turning Mugen into a deadly two blade, before cutting into the enemies gracefully. They seemed to almost vanish instantly at the contact, though more kept coming.

Allen had been firing from his arm, rapid fire style, hoping to destroy all of the akuma with on fell swoop. 

“Moyashi!!” Kanda called out, seeing another Akuma appear right behind the boy, this one having evolved another level higher. Time seemed to freeze as Kanda as he saw the boy being struck into his side, blood falling out as if it were an explosion. Kanda felt his heart clench as he ran headfirst into the enemy, slashing away at it until it to fell to a merciless end.

“Oi…Moyashi…Moyashi!” Kanda called out the pain only continuing to increase as he saw the boy unconscious before him. He did everything he could from screaming at the boy, offering idle threats and shaking him awake. The samurai sighed, holding the boy into his arms and taking him to a safe place.

* * *

A blur of dark blue and black flooded through Allen’s head. He opened his eyes slowly, and nearly startled himself out of bed. ‘What happened?’ the boy inwardly questioned himself, he only remembered that last strike to his side, and noticed his clothes were off, all but his underwear.

He smiled looking down at the mess of blue hair sprawled over his chest, Kanda must have stayed by his side this whole time. Allen even noticed the bandaging around his waist, which could have been done by the finder but he liked the hope of it all.

“Moyashi…” Kanda seemed to groan in his sleep. It took a moment for him to come to, and Allen couldn’t help but wonder had Kanda ever cried. He strung his fingers through the older man’s hair, no longer tied up as he lay there exhausted against him.

Allen turned to the clock on the wall. He sighed with relief they were finally back in the order…5am..so that meant. He had slept through the rest of the day? And Kanda stayed by his side still? Allen flushed a bright pink tint as he moved Kanda’s long bangs away from his forehead. His eyes were scrunched up as his eyebrows furrowed in his sleep.

Allen looked into the man’s eyes they were bloodshot. “Merry Christmas…Moyashi,” Kanda said groggily, he formed a light smile, earlier signs of anxiety fading. The white haired exorcist looked down at his lover in peace. Perhaps the man had cried for him, perhaps he was still unable. Yet for now he knew Kanda cared for him. And that was more than enough.

 

 


	9. Amaranthine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amaranthine- Eternal Flower, Eternally beautiful and unfading; everlasting.  
> A/N: Yes I am shamelessly adding Aya and Ran Fujimiya from Weiss Kreuz into an alternate universe, where they interaction with our beloved couple, Yullen. May do this once again for Blue Roses so consider this part ½ of the flower meaning series. I mentioned a bit of Xmas before but it’s another happier/ Happy B-Day Allen one-shot 

She held the flower gracefully in her hands, arranging a bouquet of flowers, with such grace that one would think she was born into this line of work. “I think this will be perfect for you two,” the young voice spoke to a stone-cold face samurai.

He looked behind him, seeing the glee Allen Walker displayed practically bouncing around the flower shop. He even knelt down, seeing a furry ball of white walk toward him. “Maooo” the small voice whimpered trailing its legs across the windowsill, brushing up against the glass. It looked back at Allen, “Hello little Kitty~” Allen cheered, then spoke to the cat for a bit in a soft, gentle voice. Kanda looked back concerned. “What’s your name?” Allen asked, petting the small kitten on top of its head before scooping her up into his arms.

“Awww,” Allen continued to play with the small kitty, poking the animal on its nose and scratching the cat behind her ears. A purring sound came from the kitten, and Kanda saw a look that he certainly did not want to see anytime soon. Those two bright blue eyes of his lover just lit up at the affection he was receiving from the baby animal, and his smile was so soft.

He knew Allen wanted to ‘add on’ to their little family back at the order, and that he always loved pets…but now was not that time. “Kanda, I get it now _, **Kitty** in The house_ ” Allen called out in revelation pointing to the sign from upon the shop window, which did indeed say that exact name in Kanji. They just had to stop by here, though it was the 25th, and Allen’s birthday so it wasn’t exactly uncalled for.

This was one of the few days they had off, and here they were at a florists, watching Allen fall in love with another pet. “Yeah, yeah…Moyashi, look these are the flowers you wanted right?” the blue haired man leaned back, rather bored, pointing to the girl at the counter.

Aya, she had long blue hair tied into two evenly sets of braids, and held a wide smile upon her face. Between her fingers was a sample of the flower she was holding “The Amaranth.” Allen followed his boyfriend up to the counter looking at the green and red flower.

It reminded him much of the holiday season, and had such a beautiful to it. The stem of the flower was thin and green, just barely looking to support the large red blossom growing on top of it. The red body of the flower seemed to stand out, it had smaller flowers on the bottom of the stem that gradually grew larger to form almost a bouquet of petals. The appearance of the flower seemed much like fire, it appeared almost suspended upon the stem, beautiful and dangerous all at the same time.

It wasn’t a wonder the flower caught his attention. Allen smiled, the kitten was still held up against his chest playing with the boy’s index finger. “Yes, I love it, Kanda~.” Allen grinned leaning in close to the man.

The blue haired girl at the front desk only smiled, truly happy and envious seeing the scene before her.  Kanda tried to ignore the boy before, a certain tinge at his eyebrow, and a grimace fell on his lips. “Oi, stop that.”

“Stop what?” Allen asked, baffled.

“That doesn’t belong with you,” Kanda spoke, pointing down at the bundle of fur in Allen’s arms. He spoke to his lover, as if berating a child, and sometimes his boyfriend really did act like one.

The girl behind the counter laughed lightly, looking over at the two. The second she noticed the boy’s eyes upon her, and attention given to her she stopped, clearing her throat lightly. “Sorry, sorry you two just seem to work well together” she stated, “And the kitten, well we found little Miwa, the other night, poor thing was trapped under a box in the cold?” The blue haired girl began scratching under the young kitten’s chin, feeling it crawl out of Allen’s arms and up against her.

“Aww poor thing,” Allen said in a very compassionate tone, He turned back to his boyfriend eyes glistening in the lighting of the shop. Kanda turned his head away. “We?” he asked rather randomly, was there someone else here at the shop.

As if on cue, the clicking of a door latch was heard and rather quiet footsteps made their way towards the front of the store. “You’re back,” the young girl at the counter cheered wrapping up the figure into a hug. It was a male, one with similar eyes to the girl at the counter, and a slightly darker facial expression appearing on his lips.

“Yes, Aya.. I just got back, how are things?” he asked, kissing the girl on the forehead, she turned back around toward the baffled couple and smiled, “These two are exorcists from the order, Allen Walker and Yuu Kanda, It’s Allen-chan’s birthday today so his boyfriend was purchasing his flowers for him.” She explained all too well in detail, seeing as Kanda glared at the boy, with a ‘how much did you tell her about us?’ kind of glance.

“Ah I see,” the man looking over at the two boy’s smiled, he had short red hair, and introduced himself as “Ran Fujimiya, I work here at the flower shop with my sister.”, he introduced, the two looked over at him Allen smiling.

“That’s nice so it’s like a family business,” Allen brought out.

The red haired male answered, “Sort of...we’re the only siblings working here now, we lost our parents when we we’re young..”

Aya completed the older man’s sentence looking up at him fondly, “Yes but we have other workers and it all feels like a family.”

“That’s nice,” Allen noted, imagining himself what it would have been like having his own brother or sister growing up, and the possibility that one did exist. “But I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Don’t be,” Ran the older brother spoke up, “Adversities just make you realize what matters to you the most, and to appreciate it all the more,” He finished looking as Aya had prepared a bouquet of flowers for the two.

“That’s a beautiful choice,” he spoke, as Aya counted up the cost for the bouquet and Kanda paid before them quickly. If Allen were to comment, he’d say that he told the Moyashi he should have brought his own money, and that was the only reason he’d buy these for him. Yet Allen knew better everyone did.

“The Amaranth...You’re aware of its meaning right?” Ran continued looking over at the couple, Kanda appeared to be of disinterest but listened closely. Allen’s eyes were practically bursting.

“It’s meaning is ‘Eternal’ or ‘a never fading flower’, often it’s used to represent a love between two people that is to last forever, despite the consequences of an ever changing cruel world..” Ran finished, seeing as the kitten found its way upon the shops counter and brushed up against the register.

The words seemed to lock the two in place, but for a moment, as both Allen and Kanda thanked the siblings before exiting the shop. So that was it’s meaning. “It would explain why I felt so drawn to it…”Allen noted in the one-way conversation he held, on the walk back to their home.

Kanda seemed lost in thought and while looking away took the chance to grab the boy by his hand, keeping him close. Allen looked up blinking at the man mouth opened wide, Kanda looked away for a moment. The two walked in a longing silence until entering through the doors of the Black Order.

Allen’s room was blocked off, no doubt being decorated for a surprise party by the other’s so the two headed to Kanda’s room. The white haired male, removed his coat, “Kanda-“ he cried before feeling his lips ravished by his boyfriend’s. The older man deepened the kiss, a hand caressing the boy’s neck, as he was backed into a wall.

Kanda stopped, a moment’s hesitation before turning to the boy, looking him directly into his eyes. “I don’t want you to fade away.”

The blue haired man then walked back to his bed, taking the flowers and forcing them into Allen’s hands. Allen stood in shock, at a loss for words, feeling Kanda kiss him once again on his lips before leaving “They’re probably preparing something in the Cafeteria as well, so get ready, Moyashi.” Kanda noted to him, giving a rather firm nod. “Happy Birthday”

Allen heard the door close behind him as he brushed himself against its frame. His lips brushed lightly into the air, right before the door, in place of his lover. “I won’t fade away Kanda…I promise we won’t.”

 


	10. Synchronicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events as meaningfully related, whereas they are unlikely to be causally related.

It wasn’t just by chance, that Allen had come to the order. It wasn’t by chance, Kanda had moved from the Asia Branch, to the European Branch.

It wasn’t just by chance that the two met amongst a time of chaos, and that their first meeting was under such bad circumstances. It was by chance though, that Kamui, had a large pile of papers, he didn’t sort through. But it wasn’t by chance Kanda had been the one sent out again and again to check for intruders.

It wasn’t by chance that Allen’s first mission ever was with Kanda.  As it was no casual occurrence for both male’s to interact and some point, and change their life forever.

Komui Lee, Lenalee and the others at the order had bittersweet memories. Their memories acknowledged the time Kanda had first set foot into the order, remembered him being part of the Asia branch, and being just a child for the second exorcist program.

It was no mere casual occurrence for both Kanda and Allen to have no knowledge of their family before them, and to have held onto the one person they loved. They both believed they had lost their loved one, for Allen it was Mana and for Kanda it was Alma, respectively. Both have believed it was their own fault for the way events unfolded for their loved ones, and for them to go through pain. Both blamed themselves and believed they destroyed what they loved the most. This was no casual occurrence.

Kanda walked down the streets of Paris, looking at every passerby there was, until he turned to look at the large clock descending upon the tower. “Damn, Moyashi making me wait.”

The white haired boy called out to him, “All done Kanda-a wait where are you going?” Allen called in a haste, as he ran up to walk side by side with the man, an arm with a bag full of food. His even had a powered donut hanging from his mouth, of all clichés.

“You’re the one who keeps making me late like this, damn Moyashi.” Kanda spat out at him, while at the same time, knowingly slowing down his pace so the white haired exorcist could catch up to him.

No there was nothing casual or normal about their relationship. Kanda and Allen would be seen just butting heads, Allen trying harder and harder to correct his boyfriend, and make him use gentle words towards him, not only in private but on their missions as well.

The thing that held these two together was fate. The red string of fate, Allen had read through it during their first few weeks of dating, “Kanda-look~” he started cheerfully of all things, a content smile on his face, as he rested his hand against the pages of the book. Allen had been wanting to learn more about Kanda, and his past as he could, so he found this particular book to be of interest. Allen sat in his room, draped over his desk, awaiting his love’s arrival.

 The legend was of Japanese origin, which made Allen all he more excited, explained how two individuals can be bound by fate. The red string of fate, an invisible thread tied to each individual’s finger tips, the other end of their string tied upon the finger of another lonely soul. Together they were bound, not time, distance, or pain would keep them apart. They were synched together.

Allen felt his expression falter, as he felt the door opening, Kanda looked down at his despondent look. Allen’s eyes closed as he rested against the book, stray tears falling. He breathed in and out slowly. Kanda sighed, “Don’t just fall asleep on me..” and he took on a gentle gesture, grabbing a blanket from the boy’s room and draping it over his shoulders. “We can’t afford to lose you right now..”

When the door clicked shut Allen’s eyes awoke, two crystal blue eyes seemed to burst with emotion. The white lights shined into his eyes, as they were shaking, violent trails of tears fled out. It felt like a waterfall, as Allen cried and consoled himself to sleep. “I’m really sorry Kanda..” he apologized, his plan of tricking the man. He wanted to believe in the legend, to show it to Kanda, have it blow over, the legend he imagined Kanda mocking. It was supposed to just be something silly, to get under the man’s skin. Yet, the more he thought about the legend, the more he believed.

Allen looked down upon his ring finger, and felt with his right hand upon it as if for evidence. To feel that red string upon him binding him to Kanda wherever he went. Yet, Kanda still hadn’t found ‘that person’, and he knew that was someone…anyone other than him. Which pain the pain burn all the more.

Maybe, to Kanda, this relationship was nothing more than, a way to relieve stress, but to Allen it was much, much more.

It was not by mere coincidence they would find that person. That Allen would let Kanda free as he vowed that night, despite how much it tore him apart. How he would run as far as he could away from Kanda at that moment, for with Alma still alive, Allen feared he had no place in the older male’s heart.

“Thank you, Allen Walker,” Kanda had at last, spoken his true name. Even after their times alone, he had never heard Kanda refer to him by his real name, and as a result he was not allowed to call Kanda by his first name. Yet, the moment he saw Kanda’s smile, and heard him say those words, he knew. Allen looked down at his finger, “I’m bound to you,” he had thought, “,but perhaps you were just not bound to me,” the idea crossed his mind of the string of fate being cruel, yet again. Perhaps it broke some time ago, leaving them more and more distant.

Yet, after all this time, did what he believed to be true… all just a delusional kind of reality? Were they two unlikely people, bound to meet, and hurt each other and never meet again?

Allen had bit down on his lip, he knew, he just knew it had to have some meaning. Yet, for now he was letting his love go…to wherever it was he needed to be.

When Allen was alone, he pondered of everyone. The well, being of all those at the Order, even missing Link, and not a day passed by where the image of Yuu Kanda surfaced in his mind.

“We need to be searching for Allen”, Allen, heard a rough male voice, shouting to someone who was undeniable at the order. That bitter scowl, the long flowing blue hair he just feel against his skin, and the untamed anger in his voice. It had to be Kanda, and Kanda seemed upset. More so than usual.

Allen turned back and it seemed as though the fates allowed again for them to see each other. Yet, Allen was perturbed, why didn’t he leave with Alma? Why would he choose to go back to a hell-hole of a life at the order, instead of being free with the one he loved?

Kanda had made everything seem so damn hard. It was impossible to persuade him, and he believed Allen was to blame for getting him involved and making him care again.

Yet, here they were still tied together by that string of fate. It was fate, it had meaning that they were to ever see each other again. With intimacy and in missions they would work together in perfect synchronicity. Allen could feel it, having been 4 years since they first started dating.

He felt it in the way Kanda touched him, held him, and stood by him through the hell they’ve experienced. They were forever bound, and no it was not just by chance.

 


	11. 緣分 (yuán fèn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 緣分 (yuán fèn) -Chinese term to describe, a relationship bound by fate or destiny, the force between two people. Rating for this chapter goes up to M-sexual content, mild language

With just a touch, or a sleight of hand…they were to bring each other to their knees. With a cold breathe, cut lips, and scars along their bodies…they were able to look into each other’s past.

Kanda’s past, his love, his heart, his reason for existing. Allen’s past, his heart, his love, his hope, his reason of existence growing stronger by the day.

The white haired male brushed a hand upon the crook of his lover’s neck, straddling him down, as if to prevent Kanda, from ever escaping. Yet, the older male had given up on the thought long ago, feeling the hand cascade down his body brushing across his neck, his shoulder and...”Stop.”

“Why,” he argued, batting his eyelashes at the mall, trying to move the hand that had been captured by his lover again. “It’s a part of Kanda, it doesn’t scare me.” He answered so simply, and sure of himself it struck a nerve in the older male. Kanda growled looking up at the boy, his eyes so honest and open in a clear defiance.   
  
“Idiot…” Kanda cursed grabbing the boy’s hand off of his chest, and bringing it upon his face. “It’s not like I’m trying to protect you, it’s just.. here..” He spoke, his faith in the boy grown beyond what he would like to admit to, “You can’t hide yourself either”, Kanda proposed, moving the boy’s hand with his own over his own face. Kanda released the boy’s grip, then lifted his hand to caress  the younger boy. His fingertips lightly brushed against the star-shaped scar on Allen’s forehead, causing the boy to wince.

“You can’t hide yourself from me, Moyashi..” Kanda teased, leaning up to kiss the boy right under his ear, before whispering ‘Allen.’ There was a certain amount of satisfaction to be had, seeing Allen completely shiver, and falter under his touch. Perhaps the greatest part about it all, was for both of them to know, they wanted each other just as terribly as ever.

Kanda’s lips met upon the boy’s earlobe, sucking on the outside of it slowly, before nipping on it. Allen moaned, feeling Kanda’s tracing again on those familiar scars upon his face. Kanda had completely broken free of Allen’s grasp. The worst part of it all, Allen felt his eyes swelling, cold droplets falling upon Kanda’s chest. “What is it Moyashi?”

Yes, perhaps the worst part of it all, is how second by second he realized how badly he needed this. His life should have been easier, seeing Cross with so many women left and right he doubted there was even a thing called a soul mate. “Nothing…” Allen hushed, burrowing his face against the crook in his lover’s neck. “It’s nothing..”

Kanda seemed unconvinced, but proceeded to kiss him, hands moving all across Allen’s body before they found their home on the boy’s side. Kanda’s lips brushed over Allen’s neck, kisses were laid up and down the boy’s neck, chin, cheeks, eyes forehead, then back down before reaching his lips. “It’s…just that I love you…” Allen continued to cry, feeling himself fluster, whether it was the embarrassment from this being their first time like this or his own actions, unable to control himself he wasn’t sure.

Kanda whispered the boy’s name, in such a gentle tone, Allen had to catch his breath. He felt his eyes go wide, and mouth agape. Kanda claimed Allen as his own that night, starting by claiming the boy’s mouth, ravishing him entirely with his own. Kanda groaned, almost ferociously into Allen’s mouth, as he felt himself be brought up to sit in Kanda’s lap. Allen wrapped his arms around his lover’s neck, checking again at the door, the latch being locked firmly in place.

This had to be between them, for right now he didn’t know how to explain, and Allen feared it would ruin their moment all the same. Kanda took the boy by his hand, pressing his lips toward each fingertip, before removing the glove. “W-w-wait Kanda,” Allen felt himself burning up, as the shoe was on the other foot. Kanda was exposing Allen to him, and it was frightening, because he kept hearing his heartbeat betray him. What happened to the times when he could just smile, breathe out and be calm around those he loved. Kanda took the glove off of the boy’s ‘cursed’ hand, bringing it to his chest, then to his lips, before letting it down.

“Don’t hide yourself, it’s far too late,” Kanda mentioned, speaking into Allen’s ear, thought the warning was to be directed both at himself and Allen.

Why was he so nervous? Why was his body reacting like that?...and god...Allen didn’t even need to look down, he felt himself hardening, by the moment, as Kanda’s tongue penetrated into his mouth, moving all along inside of him, and moving the younger boy’s tongue with his own. As they broke apart, Kanda licking at the boy’s lips, Allen saw the once lifeless and cold dark eyes of a wounded lotus warrior in a state of piece, staring into him.

Allen smiled, leaning up again for another kiss. In the moments that flashed, by almost savage like hands clawed away at each other’s clothing. They had to feel each other, be together right now, for tomorrow may not be a day of freedom or peace. They couldn’t avoid their fate any longer. Kanda’s button up shirt, pants were discarded by Allen. Kanda took the liberty of slowly removing Allen’s shirt, lips teasing the skin upon Allen’s stomach and kissing ever exposed inch of Allen’s skin. The shirt came off, and Kanda leaned down, sucking, licking, kissing against Allen’s chest, feeling the boy’s nipples harden under his touch.

Allen moaned, repeatedly, as his heart began to race at such an unbelievable speed, feeling both his pants and under wear being removed, brushing against his legs, before falling at his ankles. Allen kicked the clothing aside, reaching for Kanda, as he now found himself lying on his back, until Kanda too was bare to him.

How this began, was all such a mystery….Kanda himself was a mystery on his own. Their lives had been bound together for what seemed like a lifetime. Allen bit on his lip, feeling two of Kanda’s fingers were moist against his skin, and coated some kind of lubricant that must have been taken from that opened drawer. Kanda whispered for the boy to relax. “Moyashi…” he had said, a finger entering directly into the boy, as his other hand moved towards Allen’s erection.

Allen blushed quickly responding, by hiding his reactions, his hands both clamped over his face. Kanda shook his head, he could feel Allen’s excitement, and heard the wet sloppy noises, as his hand moved up and down the boy. It worked as a distraction when placing in the second finger and stretching the boy out.

“Look at me..” Kanda spoke, that same soothing voice he had called Allen’s name with. This wasn’t Kanda, Allen knew it this was just another dream. The other Kanda would have been disgusted by him, ignored his feelings and left him in a cold bed all night long…So why…?

Kanda seized his movements, fingers coming out of the boy, as he took both of his hands around Allen’s wrists, forcing them to show his lover’s face. Allen was flushed from the neck up, his breathing was hoarse, and his back arched up off the mattress, Kanda smirked. The boy looked so cute, innocent and fragile right then. It was nearly impossible to hold back now. Yet, he had to shake off the unsettling feeling.

“Allen Walker.” Kanda spoke, knowing the boy’s full name would drive his attention towards him. He saved the boy’s name for times alone, or when his own heart couldn’t help but be anywhere by right next to his lover. “Look at me,”

Allen’s face which had been directed towards the side, eyes closed tightly, finally moved over towards the man’s direction.

 “I’m not sure if this is what you’ll really want..” Allen began, eyes brimming again with tears, “I don’t have a lot to give right now…and I can’t be…I could never be, _him”_

Kanda sighed, hearing the boy’s voice creak as he brought Allen again into his lap. A hand draped itself against the skin on the white haired boy’s back. The embrace was so foreign to them, so awkward, yet for now it was just as needed, and perfectly them. “Moyashi, I don’t need you to be anyone…not from the past, or anyone else in our present or future…” Kanda gestured, feeling Allen’s body shaking against his own, as Kanda kissed the boy, right upon his cheeks, tasting the bitter salty tang of Allen’s cries.

“I only need you now… this present moment, and our future. There’s nothing we can do to turn back,” Kanda finished, feeling the boy nod against him, firmly wrapping his arms around Kanda, as he felt himself being positioned again. “Nghh..Kanda” Allen groaned feeling the pain of Kanda entering him. The older male whispered against his ear, “It’ll be fine Allen…try to relax if you can…and if  you can’t then, we’ll stop” His voice assured the boy, as Allen seemed to be in such a state of disbelief, Kanda’s kinder voice in intimacy or the idea that they even would have to stop for Allen’s sake it was all baffling.

  
“What?” Allen’s eyes opened, a bit in shock as he felt everything going hazy around him.

“Idiot, it’s not going to have any meaning if I’m the only one that wants to do this-“ Kanda nearly spat out at the boy, blood rushing through his veins, as he felt himself vulnerable, under Allen’s control now. The younger boy had no idea what a power he held over him…how much he had changed since the Moyashi came to the order

Allen shook his head, “No, I want to be with you too,” he mentioned, feeling his body react against Kanda, as the older man started to move inside of him. The pain was almost searing, to which Allen would groan, and Kanda would have to stop, and go in slower than before, yet they made it in. The white haired boy, breathed slowly feeling Kanda’s cock, now completely inside of him. The thought alone should have only been lewd, yet…Allen kept thinking back, and feeling almost overjoyed. Like this they could finally connect, experiencing a pleasure at each other’s side, and understanding each other.

At last they were together as one. Allen was sitting right on top of Kanda’s lap, feeling a rush of pain, turning to pleasure as Kanda found a more sensitive region inside of him. “Kanda…th-there..” Allen moaned out breathless feeling his legs wrap around Kanda’s waist, as he too started to move against his lover.

The sounds of breathing, rapid heartbeats, and even knowing who was controlling the thrust was hard to know for sure. Yet, there was no way of stopping now, their hearts, bodies everything was connected. Allen nearly cried again from the pleasure, tears of bliss, knowing he would have someone by his side now. Allen almost came immediately after a rough and quick thrust inside of his most sensitive area, Kanda was too far gone himself. “Let’s come together..” Kanda instructed the boy, as Allen knew what was beyond the words. To feel this happiness and pleasure was nowhere near as enjoyable alone.

Kanda’s hand wrapped tightly around Allen’s erected cock, as Kanda thrust again inside the boy. Waves of ecstasy were escaping them as Kanda and Allen both reached their released. Allen found himself, moving off of Kanda and lying beside him on the bed. Kanda whispered into the boy’s ear before moving Allen close up against him.

Perhaps tomorrow they would be fighting in another tragedy, become separated yet again. Although it was hard to believe there were ever to be separated for too long. Their souls were simply bound together. Kanda and Allen even appeared to breathing as one, their hands interlocked, as short locks of white hair fell against Kanda’s chest.

The feeling of finally being back home and at a place to belong to. After all their bad experiences, arguments, fears of each other’s death, losing them forever…it all had to lead to this moment.

Only destiny itself could make sense out of the two exorcists winding up together like this. A night where at last they were able to release, where they couldn’t fight what they felt behind bickering, meaningless words. Where they could do something beyond looking each other in the eye, trying to see into each other’s soul, yet knowing they were too afraid to move forward.

Everything fate held in store for them, led them to this moment. A moment of need, want expressing all that their words were not always sufficient at. There was nothing that could truly stop Allen and Kanda from being together like this. It was as if the force of the world itself was pushing them together, towards each other until they would become inseparable. Yes, that day was bound to come.

Kanda leaned over, seeing Allen’s sleeping express, as his face buried itself against Kanda’s chest. Allen’s eyes were closed, and he knew he would end up hopeless. Eventually unable to hold himself back from spouting out the words of love he held for Allen, and honesty would become his enemy. He had denied himself too long. Yet, for now, he knew he was eternally trapped by fate, bound to Allen Walker. “I love you,” Kanda whispered, his lips brushing right under the boy’s ear. Though the boy didn’t stir, simply, breathing in and out in such peace.

To belong to someone, to love, to have a reason for living…all those definitions were to be re-defined by the sometimes harsh yet unstoppable forces of fate. Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker were forever bound to one another.


	12. Blue Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Basically a continuation from where we left off at Amaranthine so there will be some crossover themes with Aya and Ran from Weiss Kreuz working at the flower shop but overall it is Yullen fluff so enjoy.

Standing right in front of the door, a hesitant hand descended reaching closer to the wooden panel. in front of it. It was open, most likely, yet he almost felt a need to be polite, now. “Come in,” a soft feminine voice had spoken, and the girl from last week was there, a smile upon her face.

They had just opened, and he saw the girl with her traditional “Kitty in the House” apron on, and hair tied up in a high ponytail. Kanda approached inside the room cautiously, greeted by the many different floral arrangements and aromas

The girl, both Allen and he had met, named Aya was inside the store, standing in front of the register a pleasant smile graced upon her lips. She seemed to be staring at him with interest. Kanda returned the stare, making the girl shake her head. “Oh sorry, it’s nothing I just…well I think it’s sweet how you’re here for Allen-kun.”

Kanda grunted, about to explain how she was far from the truth, as if he cared that much for the Moyashi. Well perhaps a year ago, that would have been different. Even just a year ago, when things were back to normal, as far as exorcists’ idea of normal can be considered. Allen and Kanda were both at the European branch and nothing was questioned.

Yet, what seemed to kill him the most was Kanda started to care, and he swore not to do that again. It was impossible for things to work out, and hope Allen and he could live a peaceful life. He swore to himself not to feel yet, things changed.

Kanda breathed, a thin smile, loosening upon his skin in the silence, as he passed by what he knew was a lotus blossom. This florist shop, did seem to have everything. The white petals, and the feeling of ice freezing over Kanda’s heart as he looked at the blossom. He turned past it no, that wouldn’t suit Allen, or anything they shared together.

Now was a new life, everything had changed, Kanda was fully aware of his past, and the desire to keep Allen within his past. The problem was not getting the boy too involved, and not finding himself longing for him. That was simply impossible.

“Is there anything in particular you are looking for,” Aya’s voice broke the warrior out of his thoughts, he noticed the girl standing a distance behind him, with a sincere smile upon her. He had only seen Allen smile like that, truly from his heart…a handful of times. Not the artificial “I’m fine”, poker face he put on but one that rose right out of his heart. Yet, this girl seemed content. Allen had spoken to her before, losing her parents, and having only her older brother to protect her.

Yet she smiled like that, accepting fate, her heart wasn’t scorned and she hadn’t appeared bitter. Perhaps, because there was love in her life. She still had a home, a place of belonging.

“Something…different.” Kanda had mumbled to himself, not sure exactly what kind of flower a Moyashi would like.

The girl smiled, looking behind her at the man with short dark red hair, walked in from the back of the room. Ran Fujimiya, her older brother, was pretty silent, and was moving several flower pots into a section of the store. “Oh, we have a customer.” Ran noted to himself, he saw his sister running towards him, open and honest as she wrapped her arms around him from behind.

“Hey, Aya...I’m trying to work here,” the red head, berated the girl, though it was too obvious. Kanda let a ‘che’ sound escape his lip, how weak was that man for his ‘beloved’ sister, he couldn’t keep the stupid smile on his face down for a second when she came near him.

Kanda wondered if he too would ever make that face around the beansprout, yet that was an impossibility.

“Oh you’re here,” Ran said, looking over towards Kanda and finally placing the stocked items away. He walked over towards him, his sister following as she began to explain, in her own terms how Kanda was buying flowers with his lover.

“You must have screwed up with him if you’re back here,” Ran spoke, his expression rather tired as he completed, “Not that it’s any of my business”, he had seen the look of pure hatred and malice upon Kanda’s face, decided to leave it there.

Aya, the young girl innocently looked up at her brother smiling, “Remember for my 20th Birthday though you got me roses, Out of all my friends I’ve known, I’ve never known someone to really hate roses.”

“Well, I guess…” Ran stated, a hand underneath his neck, realizing he was being influenced by the younger girl again. “You may have a point, each flower” Ran stopped, turning around his arms spread wide towards each of the walls completely embellished with the aromatic, wall of flowers, tulips, blossoms, roses, daises everything was all there before him. “Each of them has their own meaning, one that can become precious. Allen had chosen before the Amaranth, representing a never-fading flower or eternity…While roses can range from white to red to black, and all hold a significantly different meaning behind them…”

Kanda had known too well about the meaning of flowers themselves, or more so the impact they could have on someone’s life. He remained rather silent hoping to find a quick choice, so he could head back to the order.

The red head looked at him for a moment, before instructing his sister to show them their selection. "A rose may be a good idea, their meanings tend to express an array of emotions”, Aya spoke, watching as he brother went to the register awaiting the two. Or more likely for Kanda to finally find out within himself what he was feeling. A flower could be a sign of friendship, love, loss-

Kanda’s hand seemed to almost move towards the light sky blue rose, in front of them. Much like the color of the moyashi’s all too innocent eyes. It seemed to fit him oddly enough. His fingers elongated to meet the petal of the rose. Aya smiled, “That’s a very beautiful flower…though you might want to try another color, you see its meaning is-“ she began, hearing a coughing sound interrupting her. She turned back to see her brother Ran shaking her head. “Wait-Aya”

“That may just be the perfect choice,” Ran said, feeling a bit of certainty with how Yuu Kanda selected the flower. The Blue Rose. The girl shook her head, before attending to wrapping a half dozen of the blue roses together, for their customer.

Kanda looked over at the older man, as he prepared to ring up the total on their register. Kanda gave him a rather mistrusting glare.

Ran caught notice of it and sighed, taking a small note card, and scribbling in a message, he gave it to Kanda, telling him to read it only after he had made it back to Allen. The roses actually came at a discounted rate, perhaps one of the benefits of being in the black order. Kanda left, flowers in hand and a scowl upon his face. He didn’t see such a big deal in hiding a meaning from him, but whatever could get him out of the shop any sooner.

* * *

When returning through the gates of the order, Kanda saw nearly everyone but Allen Walker. Lavi, Lenalee both with such joyous expressions, containing their laughter and trying to get a better look at the roses Kanda held in hand.

If it wasn’t for Lenalee being there, looking like the innocent younger sister figure she was to Kanda, his Mugen would have already been out and ready to destroy the damn rabbit.

He managed to continue walking until, finally knocking onto Allen’s door, giving a glare to the other finders and exorcists, amused and smiling at him from across the hall.

“I didn’t know you all had so much of a death wish today…” Kanda cursed under his breathe, before finally turning in to his own room. The Moyashi would come back, probably at the cafeteria again or bonding with the other’s about their New Years Eve party and resolutions…Something which Kanda couldn’t wait to get away from.

Turning towards his room, he saw a familiar flash of white hair, passing right by him. “Moyashi,” he said, seeing as the boy turned towards him, a sheepish grin.

“What is it Kanda?”

Wait. Had Allen just been in his room the whole time? Why? Was this some sort of prank he was pulling with Lavi? If it was he would kill them both yet…right now it wasn’t important.

“Come,” Kanda instructed grabbing Allen by the wrist before dragging him back into his room.

“Look it wasn’t as though- I was trying to just intrude in your room it’s just Lenalee was telling me earlier about this, origami legend with the Paper-Cranes…and how the person you could give it to would get a wish and well it’s not like I thought you’d want a wish but I made one, and it kinda-happened.” Allen explained his story into what seemed like one large rant. Kanda’s hand met the boy’s mouth, gesturing him to shut up now.

All around his room, there were tons upon tons of white, blue, black, yellow, red, pink, purple, green colored paper cranes. Clearly made by a beginner, Kanda smirked seeing as some were folded in the opposite direction or coming apart but still it must have taken some time. There was at least 1000 of them there, that was to be sure.

“Baka,”

“Hey, it was my first time making them,”

“I doubt someone could get a wish from such poorly folded cranes to begin with, more like a curse will be granted,” Kanda gestured picking up one of the pink paper crane that’s head seemed a bit lopsided and had a small tear across it.

“Well excuse me Bakanda if it’s not fucking perf-“ Allen began before feeling familiar lips against his own, crashing into him, as Kanda held an arm around his waist, preventing the younger boy from a plan of escape.

“Thank you,” Kanda said, a smirk on his face, seeing the boy flustered. The two finally entered the room completely, closing the door and moving a few cranes off of the bed so they could sit. Kanda wordlessly handed Allen the blue roses, looking away, as Allen unwrapped the paper surrounding the flowers, smelling them.

The younger boy flushed, a bit feeling a hand cascading down his face, and settling upon his left cheek, forcing him to look at its owner. “Kanda...” Allen smiled, and the image, flashed before his eyes.That innocent gleam the flower shop girl had, a true expression of happiness and content. He was finally able to see that in Allen once again.

The two embraced for a moment, mainly due to Allen’s clinging to Kanda whenever he got emotional, it had become a habit since they reunited.

“Oh what’s that?” Allen asked, taking a peak below at the small white card on the ground. Kanda shook his head, then reached down to take the note, “Blue Rose- the symbol of impossibility. Attaining the impossible, love at first sight.” Kanda took the note, crumbling it between his fingers and throwing it to the ground.

“What did it say?” Allen said, eyes widening in shock, as he looked up and down at the darker expression in Kanda’s eyes.

So that was what it meant. The older man ignored the questioned. Kanda seized overthinking it and moved toward Allen, sealing his lips upon the boy, he refused to let him go, in what felt like forever. To truly be together, be happy like this, to truly let down each other’s walls after all they’ve been through. It was an impossibility; yet perhaps at the first time they saw each other they had known this to be true.  That their fate would change, and they would fight for hope. A hope in a world where impossibilities could be a reality.


	13. Destroyers who Save

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destroyers who Save- Final Main Theme

Their first mission. Finding Lala, god had that broken Allen’s soul. Kanda, still saw the engraved image of the then-15-year old boy, in his head, yet he was too stubborn to comfort him. Although all the same he knew comfort wouldn’t clear his problem.

This was just one of the many tragic souls that would pass by .in their life. Still the searing image of Allen upon those stairs, curled into a ball, his eyes were brimming with tears as he rested his head against his knees, was difficult to bear. Allen was so fragile, it was hard to believe that boy had the 14th inside of him.

 _You’re an exorcist, someone who destroys the tainted soul of a human that had been far gone enough to become an akuma._ Yet, Allen had to be stubborn about it, they didn’t just exorcise they helped souls. They freed them.

A foolish idea, idealistic at best. Yet it seemed to burn into Kanda’s mind, and he hated Allen for it. When news of Allen dying had come, it had sunk into Kanda just as well, painfully, bitter the image of the boy throbbing in pain…still needing to do so much more for others wouldn’t leave him. He buried himself into his work, Tieldoll and Marie taking close notice. Kanda’s hatred for the Noah had certainly grown.

Yet, he seen the boy again, after so much pain torture he experienced at Tyki’s hand, a Noah, he still wished to save.

Kanda hated him for it. He hated Allen as the boy gave him hope. He broke down Kanda’s own walls, while Allen himself, had been keeping a guard up, and a smile plastered on for as long as he saw fit. It was irritating everything about the boy, and everything he thought Allen was.

A savior, an exorcist, how could the two possibly coincide?

The thought alone was ludicrous, yet again Allen Walker had broken through his walls. Allen had the gift of taking an impossible situation, and make it even probable. To turn the tables on the deadliest of outcomes, and create a better world. “Perhaps this is what he had hoped for,” Kanda said, standing over the railing of a balcony. It had been some time since he had been back at the Asian Branch. Of course the beansprout had to be assigned to work with him and tag along.

Of course Allen Walker had to make it a personal mission in life to not only get under Kanda’s skin but try to solve and learn every detail about him. He was trying to worm his way into Kanda’s heart, just like he did almost instantly with those at the order, and worst of all it was working.

It hadn’t even become unusual for Kanda’s room, to have Allen inside of it, sprawled out upon, what was his bed, before the moyashi took over. Yet, Allen seemed to respect him to some degree, as he never saw Allen with Lavi, Lenalee, Komui…anyone at the order with him.

He was at it again, Kanda thought feeling the light breeze of the wind blow through his dark blue hair. There was much nostalgia, looking over the hills past the order, covered in snow, preparing to bring in a larger snow. He remembered various missions, and exorcisms taking place. Or in Allen’s mind, act of saving.

It became overly obvious how influence he was by the younger boy, when Allen himself had gotten the idea stuck in his head, that it _was a possibility_ they could be saviors. Anything was possible in this god forsaken world.

He was drawn to the younger exorcist. To the point where he saw his point of view as a tool for comforting others, after first experience of an exorcism, reminding the finders there may be hope for the lost souls. He even brought Allen into conversation more than on occasion, he could see it in Tieldoll’s face and even Marie’s calm smile…hell even Daisya knew, when he was still with them, knew what Kanda showed from the second he mentioned the Moyashi…that he had…Fallen.

It felt pathetic, yet all the same he wondered if he hadn’t just grown weaker around Allen, but stronger as well. He had something more to live for something to protect. Destroying Akuma, exorcising the souls, again and again, each one with a story, pain that led them to their decision of contracting with the earl. Again and again the Akuma would come in. There was never a loss of pain and unfortunate souls in the world.

Allen Walker, he had learned of his past as well. Though perhaps Kanda hated him, and never wanted to know. Yet, all the same, he knew he thought about the boy too much to not be of interest. Those nights at the order where Allen would stay, talk about how certain people he met reminded him of his past. Reminded him of friends, he had met when traveling with Cross. There was that look of pain, and nostalgia. How many friends had he seen lose their way, and had to destroy first hand. Perhaps that was the moment Allen found his title to change to a savior.

“Why are you out here?” the boy’s voice called out to him, eyes brimming with an innocent as his light blue eyes met Kanda’s dark. They shared a look from across the balcony. Kanda didn’t respond, and Allen took the liberty of breaking down another wall. He walked right next to Kanda wordless, and wrapped his arm under Kanda’s binding them together. Allen’s face wore a very tired expression, drained from what they had fought today. Yet it would be worse for Allen. He could look into the souls of Akuma, and saw more than anyone should have had to seen in the order.

“I guess you’re not gonna talk to me..” Allen told his boyfriend, leaning his head against Kanda’s shoulder, closing his eyes, feeling the breeze move across the two of them.

It was just like this moment, Allen found his way into Kanda’s life. Those nights they shared usually ended with stories and Kanda’s complaints for him to leave. Yet they gradually included, touches, sleeping in the same bed, holding each other in silence. The need for comfort overbearing the need for pride or denying themselves of what they needed most.

It was just like the moment Allen’s innocence had reawakened, his arm able to form the shape of a sword. His ultimate weapon which could exorcise the enemy with out truly killing them, destroying them. Allen destroyed the idea of logic and an hopeless world. He found his way.

And just like that, Kanda found himself in stride with the boy. He needed to know him, and he found himself perhaps saving a life. He couldn’t say he changed completely, but, looking down at the younger boy next to him, he knew he changed enough.

They would go out again tomorrow. Kanda leaned down to kiss the boy on his forehead, a peaceful shine in his eyes arose.

Yes they would go out again and destroy the Akuma that were trying to take innocence from exorcists. Yet, they would save together the trapped souls who had been longing for freedom for so long.

“Moyashi,” Kanda called upon Allen, seeing his eyes light up at the words.

In order to do that, Kanda would remain by Allen’s side. He wanted to hate him for that, so badly.

“Stay,” the words came out as if in a breath of air, a breath of life brought back to Kanda. He felt the younger boy lean in closer to him closing his eyes, as their arms remained interlocked.

Together they would fight alongside each other, until their dying breath. Something which they promised would be shared together. When they exorcised their last akuma, destroying the pain from inside and saving the soul that had been burdened within.


	14. Abnegate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abnegate-to deny oneself, often of pleasures and desires of the heart.

It was just a door, a stupid door, maybe even the distance between them, that was keeping them apart.

 It was just a look just a stupid look, shared between the eyes that held half of each other’s heart in a single glance.

Yet, there was so much hate animosity and pride. Allen turned away from the door again, heading back to his room. He wasn’t going to discuss it with Kanda, not the way he felt now, not tonight.

Kanda seemed to be irritated, wide awake in his room, despite the lights completely out. He bent over letting his long black strands of hair fall over his body as he sat towards the edge of his bed.

“Just give up already,” a rather playful tone came into Allen’s direction, there Lavi was, right in front of his face, grin wide as he stopped the boy from escaping.

“What?”

“Come on Moyashi?” Lavi pleaded standing right in front of Allen’s door determined to prevent his escape again. “How long have you been playing this game?”

“I’m not-“

“Right, look Allen. It’s pretty obvious okay you’ve been waiting at Yuu’s door like a sick puppy and I know you like him! So just stop, talk to him already, you guys can’t avoid each other forever,” Lavi pleaded, as Allen put on a rather innocent look, his smile clearly forced, as he managed to get Lavi out of the way before entering his room. “I’m not sure what you’re implying Lavi, but I’m not trying to avoid anyone. I think I just need some rest.”

“Hey Moyashi,” Lavi called, knocking loudly upon the door, eyes still in a state of shock at how fast the boy had been. “That’s not nice you know..” He groaned, shrugging his shoulders down, see the lights flick off into Allen’s room. He couldn’t just hide from this forever.

* * *

The next night Allen simply walked by Kanda’s room, he didn’t spend the time to linger or think of him any longer.

Kanda sat in the center of his room, legs crossed one of the other as he closed his eyes, trying to calm down his thoughts.

He should have been used to the boy by now, used to his usual antics and ways of getting involved in other’s lives. Yet, he just wasn’t ready to let him go, mentally. The thoughts before of just wanting to punch the boy for his idiotic sense of thinking came with the urge to kiss him, and hold him until he would stop blaming himself for the problems of the world.

The urge to touch Allen now, was beginning to sink in, and it was becoming more and more of a problem.

He looked at the boy’s smile, the fake poker face of him, assuring other’s he was okay. He wanted to make it go away, to ravish the boy, until he could feel him cry. He wanted to take hold of Allen until he would allow himself to show his true face.

The pain of needing, longing for someone you’ve hated for so long…was unbearable. Yet, he couldn’t go in there. He couldn’t lose himself to someone he loved, and lose them all over again. He couldn’t admit blatantly that he himself had changed more than he ever wanted to because of the exorcist.

…

The next night, Allen stood in front of the door. He saw the lights were off in the room, yet he finally decided to knock. It was more like a scratch at the door, could have been mistaken easily for something else, yet he waited.

The moments began to pass where Allen knocked on the door once again. This time it was more audible and loud, he heard stirring from within the room. Against his better judgment he ran, fearing that as soon as he looked into Kanda’s eyes he would become fragile once again.

He fled locking the door behind him, as if he were being chased, though he knew Kanda probably couldn’t have cared less, and neither would he.

* * *

It had been another night, their final one before Allen was to leave for over a month on another mission. He wasn’t sure what all the risks were, though he had only scanned over the details briefly. He thought he saw Kanda’s form across the halls a few times, yet they never really made contact.

Allen breathed out, walking past Kanda’s room again. He wrapped his arms around himself unable to truly find the strength to face him. Maybe this break would be good, he could find out more about himself, or at least learn how to suppress it. Allen turned off the light in his room, noticing Timcampy flying around the bedside table. “Good night” he called to the small golden golem. It was a feeling of comfort to see him, almost making him miss his master…almost.

Though as he closed his eyes, and found himself relaxing into the warmth abyss that was sleep. He heard several loud knocks upon the door. They were silenced for a moment and repeated by another set of three separate knocks. “Lavi…leave me alone. I already told you I don’t want to talk about him,”

Yet, at the other end of the door he heard a rather put out scoff, and groan.

The visitor had given up on knocking, and opened the door.

The door that held all that distance between them, was simply being pried open by the man on the other side. Their fates being sealed. Just as quickly the lights were flicked on, and Allen nearly fell out of his bed. “What?”

“I’m not the damn rabbit!” Kanda said, his tone really annoyed, and the look in his eyes brimming with rage. Kanda quickly closed the door behind him locking it in place. Allen’s mouth went agape, seeing as he was roughly approached, the older man bringing him up to his feet, they could feel their breath upon each other.

No. Allen turned away. No fucking way. Not after so long, how he’s tried to deny it, or was this just Kanda’s way of mocking him? He felt a rough hand grasping him under his chin, forcing him to face Kanda. His eyes that had been brimming an almost fiery rage we’re now shrouded in a darker cloud of mystery.

Kanda spoke a few words, before sealing their fate forever. Releasing what had been locked away for so long. What was becoming impossible to deny. “I can’t run away from this there’s no way in hell I’m letting you try the same!” Kanda roughly grabbed Allen by the back of his neck, forcing their lips to connect, and stealing a kiss from Allen Walker. He had forgot to even close his eyes, it all happened so fast, yet dammit, Allen could feel his heart racing against the touch. He noticed Kanda smirk as they broke apart. Dammit he was flustered wasn’t he, after all that time away from Kanda he would have thought he’d gotten better at hiding himself. Kanda breathed into Allen’s ear whispering huskily” You’ve taken me too far to leave now, Moyashi”, and before Allen knew it he was being swept away, pressed back into the mattress, feeling Kanda’s body upon him.

For what had seemed like forever, Allen finally felt a part of him that had been yearning coming to a state of completion. Kanda leaned over the younger boy, kissing him again on his mouth, claiming the words of denial from Allen, that they knew for so long was a lie.

However long it had been, they couldn’t be sure. Yet, perhaps the most terrifying thing was how badly they realized just at that moment they desired, needed, wanted each other. In the heat of the moment, clothes were removed, hands had moved all along each other, claiming what they knew they desired all along. “Kanda..” Allen breathed the man’s voice hoarsely, they shared another look, locking each other in place. A wordless promise that they understood, despite their past efforts, there was nothing they could do to avoid this moment.

Nothing they could do to avoid such a desire from their heart.


End file.
